Black Cats Bring Good Luck

Rockin' Fuckin' Cockin'

Salem was clinging to Dirt's side when he woke up a couple hours later, his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. "Hey..." Dirt whispered. Salem's ears perked up as he raised his head with wide eyes.

"HI!!" he chirped, and kissed Dirt's cheek.

"Are you comfortable like this? Your arm's not asleep?"

"It is asleep," Salem said, seemingly unaffected. Dirt just snorted.

"Uh... Can I ask... about the stuff you said you remembered earlier?"

"Um ok. What's your question.."

"I'm just curious. You said you just remembered like... your fucking formative teen years? When you had previously not remembered them at all?"

Salem nodded. "What's your question...?"

"Like. What.. happened? I'm just curious, dude!"

"Ugh like eye dee kay..." Salem wriggled around, and dislodged his arm from under Dirt, shaking it out. "It was a lot of years. I don't remember very many details, just that I lived with this cishet couple and that the woman was obsessed with me and also was cheating on her husband with several other men and women.. Just boring stuff."

"WH. THAT'S NOT BORING?! THAT'S CRAZY!" Dirt exclaimed.

"Ell oh ell," Salem shrugged, "Also I was totally already on tumblr and stuff but I don't remember my old login or URL or anything. But that solves the mystery of why I felt so nostalgic whenever I went on there."

"Holy shit," Dirt said, rubbing his eyes of sleepiness. "That's fucking wild, dude. So you're like, just totally fine with this? It's not bothering you or anything?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine. I mean it is pretty fucked up that I just forgot about it all, I guess, but like"—Salem shrugged—"what're you gonna do, y'know?"

"Pfft.. I guess..?" Dirt was having a hard time conceptualizing losing five years of memories and being totally chill about it. "Oh! Is that how you know how to roll joints so well? Did you learn that during that time?" he asked.

Salem thought for a second. "Hmmm, nope! It's just one of my powers, I guess!" he said.

"Your powers?" Dirt scoffed skeptically.

"Umm yeah? All catpeople have special powers," Salem replied. "How do you think you've been getting so much sleep lately? It's my powers, dude," he said smugly. "Another one of my powers is 8 foot vertical leap."

"What?? Wait..." That would explain why Dirt never had trouble falling asleep when Salem was in bed with him... "You're actually serious about this one, aren't you?"

"Umm yeah? I'm always serious when I talk about catpeople," Salem lied. Dirt rolled his eyes.

"Okay, well THAT'S a lie," he said.

"Yeah," Salem giggled. "I'm hungry!" he suddenly exclaimed.

"Just bought tuna," Dirt smiled.

"FUCK ! YES!!!!!!" Salem shouted, jumping up to his feet and jumping on the bed like a trampoline.

"Hey, no jumping! I put this bedframe together myself, and I'm not very confident in its durability!" Dirt exclaimed as he sat up.

Salem hopped off, onto the floor. "Oh, don't worry, this bed would have already fallen apart if that were a problem," he said with a sultry smirk. Dirt laughed dryly but didn't respond otherwise. "Because of me and Divan having crazy animalistic sex on it? Remember? That was like, this morning."

"Yes! I remember," Dirt replied with a bitter chuckle.

"Ahhhahahaa oh my god, you ARE jealous!" Salem laughed. Dirt rolled his eyes, blushing, as he stood up from his bed and started heading for the door. "Awww, don't worry, I don't love him, or anything," Salem said, following Dirt close behind.

"I'm not jealous," Dirt lied, as he got a can of tuna out of the pantry for Salem. He was jealous. Even more so now, that Salem had just confessed his love for him, for some reason. Like, really? He LOVED Dirt. The first time he'd ever felt romantic love for someone in his life, and it was DIRT. He'd had absolutely nothing to be jealous about.

Salem chuckled, easily sensing his dishonesty, "Well, good! You know, Divan said he'd love to have a threesome some time."

"WHAT?" Dirt yelped, turning around to face Salem. Tuna juice spilled from the open tuna can, all over his hands and shirt. "Shit.. When did he say THAT?"

"THE JUICE! YOU WHORE!" Salem shouted, snatching the can out of Dirt's hands.

"Sorry! You caught me off guard!" Dirt apologized, going to the sink to wash his hands.

"I'll hold onto the tuna while you get the rest of the stuff," Salem said, holding the can close to him, cradling it like a baby bird. Dirt sighed, and got out a plate and crackers, and peanut butter for himself. "Anyways, he said it to me over Line, like, just before I got super high."

"You're joking," Dirt assumed, as he spread the crackers out on the plate like a gay little charcuterie board.

"No!" Salem exclaimed, reaching into his pocket. Dirt put the crackers away and they both went back to his room. Salem sat next to Dirt and showed him his iPod screen. Lo and fucking behold, there was a Line message from Divan that read, "And... If they would be comfortable with it, I would be delighted if Dirt joined us ;3"

"Ha!" Dirt laughed nervously, "What the fuck?" He reached for Salem's iPod so he could read more of the conversation, but Salem smacked his hand away and put it back in his pocket.

"It's a private conversation, shithead," he sneered, flicking Dirt on the shoulder.

"Well wh-what did you say in response??" Dirt was blushing, like, a lot. It was embarrassing.

"I haven't responded yet, I was super fucking high."

"Oh." Dirt grabbed a cracker from the plate and dipped it in his peanut butter.

"You're blushing, like, a lot," Salem pointed out, and then put a whole cracker with tuna on it into his maw.

"Yeah, because I'm! Surprised!" Dirt said as an excuse. "I guess they're hot, but they're so... WEIRD."

Salem quirked a brow. "And you're not?"

Dirt rolled his eyes. "He's like a weird rich guy. You should have seen it at the seven eleven, dude, he was struggling so bad. Tried to hand me a hundred dollar bill for a thirty dollar purchase. We don't take bills over fifty!!!" Dirt complained. "It was kind of funny, to be honest, and like at first I thought he was flirting with me, but it turned out it was just cause he smelled you on me, but anyways, then he asked me about the shitty shitty wine he was buying and I couldn't just tell him it's super shitty, y'know, so I was like, 'Eh I dunno I'm not a wine guy, haha!'" he rambled.

"Oh my god, and THEN," he continued, "He asked if I had a cat and was like, 'yes you see I have bought cat food because I also have a cat which is why I'm asking,'" he did a bad french accent. Salem laughed.

"Please never try to do an accent again," he teased.

"Fuck you!" Dirt laughed, lightly punching Salem's shoulder. "Anyways, I just think he's kinda creepy, man!"

"Soooooo.... That's a 'no' on the threesome, then?"

"Well........"

"Well......? :3"

"I don't know! Fuck! I'm still shaky on the whole idea of casual sex!" Dirt said anxiously. "I-I just don't know if I'd enjoy having sex with someone I don't... have a connection with, or whatever..." He was blushing again.

Salem sighed. "Yeah, okay. I mean, I don't get it, like, at ALL, because Divan's got a rockin' fuckin' cock, but—"

"Rockin' fuckin' cockin'" Dirt said.

"—I... what?"

"Pfthf.. rockin' fuckin' cockin'..." he repeated, ashamed.

Salem stared at him. "...What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Sorry, go on. You were saying?" Dirt encouraged.

"....Um. Right. I was just saying, I don't get why you wouldn't wanna fuck him, but it's fine. Uh... God, now I'm just distracted by whatever the fuck it was you just said. You're a fucking freak, man," said Salem. Dirt laughed, and momentarily choked on a crumb.

"Look, I'll... think about it. I-if nothing else, I... wouldn't mind just... being present," Dirt said.

"What?" Salem smirked.

"Not like! In a weird way!" Dirt blushed again. Like really badly this time, like his head looked like a fucking tomato.

"Dude, how could that possibly be not in a weird way..."

"Agh! Like! You know! Just... hhhhang out? And? Watch you guys? No, no, that sounds worse.." Salem was snickering. "Stop laughing at me!"

"I can't help it you're telling me you wanna be cucked right now!" Salem laughed.

"NO!!! That's NOT what I meant!"

"Oh my god.." Salem sighed, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye.

"No! That's not what cucking is you asshole!!!! All I'm saying is that I wouldn't mind watching you........ have fun, and-and making sure that you're like, safe and stuff!" Dirt went like 👉👈.

"You're concerned about my safety..?" Salem asked genuinely.

"I mean! I-I trust you to know yourself and-and-and be safe, and stuff, but, you know, I just think I'd feel better if I could keep an eye on you!" Dirt explained. "Divan said he wants me to join in, and like, that's a way I could join in without joining in, yaknow?"

"Ahuh...." Salem said, his voice breaking.

"Wait, are you crying?? Are you okay??" Dirt gently rested his hand on Salem's thigh.

"Ahah. uhm. Sorry, I'm probably still a little high haha I get kind of sensitive sometimes when I'm high, haha you know how it is.. um... haha. That's kind of really sweet? Ugh... god, I hate that you make me so.. UGH!" Salem sobbed, and leaned up against Dirt. Dirt put their arm around him and squeezed. "You make me feel so... special? I don't know how else to describe it.... The things you say to me sometimes, just! Drives me crazy! I've never felt like this at ALL before, and it's fucked up!"

Dirt put the mostly empty plate of crackers aside so he could properly get his arms around Salem. Salem hugged him back, nuzzling into his chest as Dirt ran their fingers through his hair. They sat there embracing for a moment, as Salem took deep breaths to try and get control of himself again.

"Um...." Dirt broke the silence, his voice quiet and unsure. "Are we...? Uh, like, y'know. What are we?" Salem giggled into his chest. "Sorry, I know how weird and stupid that sounds, but I'm serious!"

Salem pulled away from Dirt so he could look at their face, which was a rosy pink. "You want me to say we're boyfriends?" he said teasingly.

Dirt was unphased by the teasing. "I want you to say what we actually are, like, in your mind."

"Um. Yeah. Boyfriends..." Salem said.

Dirt's heart skipped a beat. "Oh," he said. And then he pulled Salem's face to his and kissed him, frantically, but sweetly.

Salem giggled once they separated. "God, you are so fucking stupid," he said before going back to kiss Dirt again.

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