back nextAt exactly 2PM, Dirt awoke to Salem kneading his stomach in cat form. "Hey, buddy," he said with a groggy smile, petting Salem from head to tail. "Owie, man, your nails are sharp, bro..." Salem appeared to ignore him, and just kept kneading, as he purred very loudly. "Dude.. Come on," Dirt said, grabbing Salem's little paws to get them off of him. Salem meowed in annoyance. Dirt lifted his shirt, and there were little punctures on his tummy where Salem was kneading him. "See! Youchies, dude!"
"Mrow!" Salem meowed, sticking his chest out.
"I don't know what that means," Dirt said.
"Prrrrrrow. Rrrrnnnrow!"
"Ahuh. Okay."
"Rrrrreow!" Dirt smiled and pet Salem's head, giving him a little cheek massage as well.
"You're a pretty cute cat," Dirt said, lifting Salem onto his chest and scritching his chubby little cheeks. Salem suddenly transformed, and Dirt let out a grunt as the wind was knocked out of him from there suddenly being a whole person on top of him.
"Am I a cute catboy, too?" Salem said cheekily, and then fucking booped Dirt on the nose. Dirt got embarrassingly flustered from this. He was not expecting Salem's human face so close to his so soon after waking up, and he was blushing like an idiot. "Ahahahaa you blushingggg??" Salem teased.
Dirt rolled his eyes and sat up, pushing Salem off of him, who let out a yelp. "Do you wanna make those brownies?" Dirt asked, rubbing his eyes of sleep.
"YEAH!!!" Salem exclaimed, quickly righting himself and then jumping out of the bed, and running to the kitchen. Dirt chuckled and went to his weed drawer.
"Alright, so it's quite a process," Dirt said as he walked into the kitchen where Salem was waiting for him. "First we gotta bake the weed, and then infuse the butter with it, and then strain the butter, and THEN we can put that butter in the brownies," he explained.
"Oooohhh," said Salem. He jumped up on the counter and swung his legs on the edge of it. Dirt rolled his eyes, but let him stay up there.
"How 'bout you go online and find a simple brownie recipe that you think looks good. Anything will do as long as it's got butter," Dirt instructed Salem.
"Okie :3" Salem said as he hopped off the counter and ran to Dirt's room, quickly coming back out with his laptop. He brought it to the counter where he started browsing for recipes. As that was happening, Dirt got out the tin foil and put a bunch of weed on a sheet of it. He folded it up and tossed it in the oven on a baking sheet, and then looked over Salem's shoulder.
He'd typed "ooey gooey yummy fun easy brownie recipe for beginners" Dirt snorted when he saw that. "You're doing great," he said. "It's gotta bake for like 30 minutes so once you find that recipe we can just chill on the couch.
"And watch Babish?" Salem asked excitedly.
"Yeah, sure," Dirt laughed. "I'm gonna find something to snack on." He went into the pantry and got out his favorite low effort snack of peanut butter and crackers and then sat on the couch, waiting for Salem.
"Oh em gee, we have to watch my favorite babish video it is so funny I love my bestie babish," Salem said, as he excitedly scrolled through youtube on his ipod.
"Your bestie?" Dirt said skeptically.
"Yeah he's my bestie he loves me and we make beautiful meals together," Salem replied.
"You've only ever made one of his recipes..."
"Well. That doesn't matter. Cooking is hard, Babby understands that. Anyways, this is my favorite video," Salem said as a video began to play on the tv, "It has my other bestie Brad in it too and we are all besties together."
Dirt chuckled, "Okay.." Salem lied across Dirt's lap as they watched the video, laughing hysterically at the little jokes in it. Dirt laughed too, but he was mostly laughing at how hard Salem was laughing.
After just one more video, the oven timer went off. "It's ready," Dirt said, patting Salem's shoulder to try and tell him to get up. He did, and scampered off to the kitchen with Dirt following behind. "Can you get the butter out?"
"Mhmm!" Salem chirped as he opened the fridge. "Uuuhhhhhh....."
After Dirt got the weed out of the oven, he came up behind Salem at the fridge and got the butter out for him. "Oh :3" Salem said himboly. He also went into the cupboards and got out a pot and a glass measuring cup. The pot, he filled slightly with water and set on the stove. The measuring cup, he plopped a stick up butter in and placed into the pot as well, turning the heat on high.
"Once that's a-simmerin', we put in the weed and let it infuuuuuuse..."
"Lawl, okay.. You are so weird," Salem said, nuzzling against Dirt's arm.
"What, what did I do weird?"
"The way you said that was weird, eye dee kay..."
"Pfft. Okay."
Once the butter was melted and simmering, Dirt poured the weed into it and let it sit. "Now it's gotta sit in there for an hour," he said, as he stirred it up a bit.
"An HOUR??? That's like A WHOLE DAY!" Salem complained.
Dirt laughed. "Don't worry, bud, we can watch more videos and time will go by like nothin!" he said, ruffling Salem's hair. Salem leaned up against his hand and rubbed his cheek against it.
"Mmmmmmmm I wanna play outside, actually," Salem said, rocking on his heels, holding his hands politely behind his back.
"Oh. Okay, sure, yeah," Dirt shrugged.
"Um soo can you let me out?"
"...You have hands, dude."
"Yeah but you need to let me out, thats the rules," Salem said.
"What rules?" Dirt asked, annoyed, but like in a playful way. Like he wasn't REALLY annoyed he just sort of mildly pretended to be. Idk I'm so bad at describing tone of voice just bear with me. I'm high as fuck lol..
"The catpeople rules, obviously..." Salem lied. "It's like how vampires need to be invited in, but reverse. Our servants have to let us out."
"That's ridiculous," Dirt scoffed, "You really expect me to believe that?"
"Well, it's real, so I hope so," Salem said. "Soooo let's go...." he pawed at Dirt's arm.
Dirt shook his head. "Whatever." And he went with Salem to the back door, letting him outside into their small backyard. They didn't really take care of the grass, so it was pretty overgrown, and there were tons of weeds, but Sarah probably liked it better that way for her instagram pics, because their back lawn definitely showed up on her insta feed a lot.
And Salem definitely liked it better that way, because as soon as the door was open, he transformed, sprinting into the tall grass and just running around like crazy, letting all his energy out. Dirt just stood against the house and watched him as he galloped through the grass like a little horsey. Then, he saw Salem freeze, and drop his body low to the ground as his pupils dilated, his head turning and focusing in on a certain spot. He was stalking.... Omg..
Dirt held his breath, his mouth slightly ajar as he watched Salem silently crawl forward, tracking the thing's movement with his eyes. He wiggled his little butt, adjusting his stance juuuuust right, and then suddenly, he SPRANG! Both front paws slamming down, claws drawn. Then he went in for the bite. Dirt couldn't even see what he'd just gotten, until Salem came prancing out of the grass holding something in his mouth. "Woah!" Dirt exclaimed.
Salem transformed as he approached Dirt, his prey dropping into his hands. It was a small, brown lizard with a bright blue belly! "Is for you," Salem said proudly, offering Dirt the lizard.
"WAH! DUDE!" Dirt exclaimed, leaning away from Salem's hands, "Why would I want that!!"
"I caught it for you..." Awwwww :D
"Th-that's very sweet, Salem, but I don't want a dead creature," Dirt stuttered nervously.
Salem shrugged. "More for me, I guess," he said, and then took a bite of the lizard right in front of Dirt's eyes.
"EUGH! BRO!" he shouted, averting his eyes. Salem giggled as he chewed.
"Mmm delicious... A subtle.. earthy flavor to it..."
"That's the dirt from the ground that you didn't wash off of it or anything!!!"
"Ah... Minerals..." He took another bite. Dirt went back inside. Salem stayed out for a little while, running around and chasing bugs and eating grass in cat form as Dirt just sat down on the couch and scrolled through shit on his phone.
Salem came back in about 30 minutes later, looking exhausted. "Has it been an hour yet?" he asked, plopping down on the couch.
"Nah. Half," Dirt replied.
"Ughghhgh," Salem groaned, flopping over onto Dirt's lap. He curled up on their legs and just. Fell asleep. Dirt ended up accidentally dozing off as well, for a few minutes, and was woken up by the oven timer.
"Oh shit, it's ready," he said, nudging Salem, who sleepily stood up and followed Dirt back into the kitchen. From the drawer he got out a cheesecloth square, and from the cupboard, a little tupperware container, in which he strained the weed butter after shlappin' on some gloves.
Salem watched closely, as the butter passed through the cloth. It had been tinted a brownish-green color. "Oooo...." He poked the little sack the cloth and butter formed.
"Ay!" Dirt yelped, "Don't do that!" Salem licked his finger and wrinkled his nose, not liking what he tasted. Once the butter was all strained, Dirt set it aside, washing his hands, and then pulling up the recipe Salem had picked out. He got out all the ingredients, and had Salem measure each one into the bowl under his instruction (after washing his hands as well, of course). He got out a separate little bowl for Salem to crack the eggs into. He ended up getting a little bit of shell in there and had to dig it out with his claw.
Dirt mixed all of the ingredients together, and then poured the batter into a parchment paper-lined brownie tin, letting Salem lick the spoon. "Oh dis is good...." Salem purred as he chewed on the wooden spoon with his little sharp teefies. Dirt put the brownies in the oven and set the timer.
"Alright, 15 minutes," he said.
"Uggghhhh 15 minutes?? That's like, an HOUR!!!" Salem complained. Dirt rolled his eyes.
"C'mon." He sat back down on the couch and Salem followed him, sitting in his lap. He put on yet another Babish video, this guy really had a ton of videos, they could never run out, and then reached back and grabbed Dirt's arms, wrapping them around himself like a seatbelt, and leaning back against him. It was really nice... Dirt was really happy that he found Salem, because this was honestly just the type of relationship he'd always craved. They were best friends who just cuddled and touched all the time. Dirt had obviously been extremely touch-starved before, and having a little guy around that he could just hug all the time was really really nice...
Not to mention that Salem seemed to appreciate his sense of humor way more than, say, Sarah did. And Salem was a big fan of hanging out in the same room together in silence while you both just do your own thing, which was one of Dirt's favorite activities as well. AND Salem had seriously been helping him get SO much more sleep lately, like, Dirt was almost convinced he had magical sleeping powers or something. Dirt was so grateful for this friendship. But it'd be nice if it could be something more...
Dirt rolled his eyes at his own ridiculous thought. He really needed to stop repeating that pattern so much. He already had so much, and had no reason to yearn for anything more from Salem. Besides, the oven timer was going off.
"YES!" Salem screeched, bounding away into the kitchen. Dirt grabbed the oven mitts and carefully pulled the brownies out, setting them on top of the stove.
"Alright, we gotta wait for them to cool for a little bit, now," he said. Salem growled. "I know, it's the worst part. Just five minutes, okay?" Salem growled again, but softer this time. Dirt set a 5 minute timer on his phone and sat back down.
"Ooohohhhh they smell so goooooood," Salem whined, his nose visibly twitching as he sniffed the air over the brownies. Hehehe...
"If you just stare at them, it's gonna be harder to wait," Dirt warned.
"waaah..." Salem whined again as he waddled sadly back to the couch. He opened up Dirt's laptop and started scrolling through tumblr. Dirt could swear that every single time he glanced over at the screen, there was some kind of softcore anime porn on the dash.
Five minutes passed quickly, though, and as soon as Dirt's alarm went off, Salem dashed back to the brownies. Dirt gay-jogged over. "Here, lemme cut 'em up," he said, grabbing a knife from the drawer. Salem watched closely, with wide eyes, as Dirt divided the big ol' slab into 25 little brownies.
"Alright," he said, "You should start with one, or maybe even half of one and wait and see how it affects you since you've never had edibles before..."
Salem scoffed. "Oh, please, you have no idea how much weed I smoke when you're not home.. My tolerance is probably like so much higher than yours, even. I want two," Salem demanded.
"I dunno, dude, you should just start small to be safe. You can always have more," Dirt warned as he scooped out a brownie onto a little half paper towel. Salem immediately picked it up and took a bite.
"mmMMMmmMmm!!! ooOOOHOH These are GOOD!!!" he exclaimed, "No way I'm only having one!" He finished his first brownie, and then went right onto the second as Dirt was covering them up with tin foil.
"Hey hey hey that was mine!" Dirt scolded.
"Hehehehe mine now," Salem giggled as he scarfed it down. Dirt rolled his eyes, genuinely a little worried about Salem, as he got himself another brownie. He only had half of one, so he was positive he wouldn't be too high if Salem started to freak out. "Very tasty!!" Salem said, licking his fingers and smacking his lips disgustingly.
For the first hour, Salem was completely unaffected, as was Dirt. They just hung out and watched more babish on the couch for the time, Salem cuddled up by Dirt's side. But then it started to hit.
"Ooohh I'm starting to feel it noooow," Salem said with a little giggle. Dirt was feeling it a little too, his head just beginning to get that pleasant relaxing buzz.
"Mhmm," he hummed with a nod. Salem slumped into Dirt's lap, doing a big ol' stretch before settling on his side, his head resting on the arm rest of the couch and his body lain across Dirt's legs. Dirt sort of held Salem, one arm over his torso and the other scratching his head. Salem purred loudly, and it made Dirt's chest vibrate pleasantly.
Salem started laughing out of no where. "Woah.. haha, okay.. Yeah, I'm like really high... This is epic...." he said with a huge grin on his face. "Oooh my god.. This room is so big... It's like, expanding. What the fuck lawl.." Salem turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His pupils were enormous, taking up almost his entire iris.
"You good?" Dirt asked gently, brushing the hair out of Salem's face.
"Mhmm," Salem nodded. "Mm.. I want... to lay in bed," he said. "I need help."
Dirt helped Salem sit up and then stand, and guided him by the shoulders to their room. Salem appeared to be a bit dizzy, gripping on the back of Dirt's shirt very tightly as they walked.
He crawled into bed, and Dirt followed, lying down next to him. "Wow," Salem said, a little louder than usual, "I don't think I've ever been this high before," he laughed.
"Are you okay?" Dirt asked again, and turned to his side to face Salem.
"Yeah," he nodded, "It's nice... I feel like I'm... floating off the bed right now, hehe," Salem giggled, and wiggled his fingers around. "Can you get me... some water, though? My mouf so dry," he asked politely.
"'Course, buddy," Dirt replied, and rolled out of his bed and into the kitchen, where he got a plastic cup down from the cupboard and filled it up with the fridge water.
When he returned, Salem had rolled over on his side, and was sobbing. "Salem??" Dirt rushed forward, accidentally spilling a little bit of water. "Shit.. Salem, are you okay?" he asked, as he wiped his hand on his shirt. Dirt had never seen Salem cry before. And now he was full-on shaking and crying, his body heaving with sobs. "Hey, hey, dude, come on... Sit up and drink some water, okay?" He sat down on the bed and put a gentle hand on Salem's shoulder.
Salem slowly sat up, taking deep, heaving breaths. His face was red and wet, covered in tears and snot. "Have some water, I'll get you some tissue," Dirt said, pushing the cup into Salem's hands. Salem took it with shaking hands and took a teeny tiny sip as he tried to catch his breath. Dirt brought the tissue box over and wiped up Salem's face as he continued taking little sips of water. They gently moved the hair from his face, tucking it behind his (human) ears.
"You were right," Salem said in just the saddest voice Dirt had ever heard come out of him. "It was too much... This sucks..." he lamented, his (cat) ears flattened against his head.
"Oh, man... I'm so sorry, buddy, I know how bad it sucks, I've been there. Just tell me whatever you need, okay?" Dirt comforted him. Salem nodded sadly, his lip quivering as he sniffled, and took more sips of water. "Do you wanna put babish on?" they asked. Again, Salem nodded sadly, and Dirt grabbed his laptop and started playing a random Babish video on it.
Salem sat there, staring at the screen with wide eyes, gulping down his water. "Is empty.." he said smally, pushing the cup towards Dirt.
"I got it." Dirt took the cup and went to the kitchen to refill it. Dirt was.. also pretty high, like higher than he'd usually get when he'd smoke, but definitely nowhere near Salem. Still, he was slow, and brain-fogged, and felt like all the moisture had been pulled out of him, and his thoughts were moving at light fucking speed.
"I feel like my heart is gonna explode," Salem sobbed upon Dirt's return with the water. "I need a hug..." Dirt sat the cup on his desk and quickly moved to sit next to Salem and wrap their arms around him. Salem buried his face in Dirt's chest, breathing heavily as he shook in his arms. Then he started to say something, but Dirt couldn't make out a single thing he was saying because he was all muffled and quiet against his chest.
"I can't hear you, bud," he said softly, leaning away from Salem so his mouth would un-muffled.
"You know how when you have all of this stuff in your brain and you usually just pretend it isn't there because you're not sure what it means and it's kind of scary?" he said quietly.
"...Mhmm," Dirt said even though he had no idea what Salem was trying to say, but he didn't want to make him have to explain himself.
"Now it's like I can't... I can't... Eerrggghh.... I can't keep it closed now!!!" he exclaimed in frustration. "And I can't keep it down and I can't keep it out anymore!" He didn't look at Dirt as he spoke. He dragged his hands down his face and then fell back, his head landing on the pillows. "I can't take this," he cried.
"....Do you still want the video on?" Dirt asked quietly.
"No..." Dirt leaned forward and paused the video, shutting his laptop.
"I need you," Salem said, reaching for Dirt and doing a little grabby hand motion.
"What do you need?" Dirt asked as he lied down next to him. Salem just did a little whimper sound and snuggled up to Dirt.
"Arms," he said. Dirt wrapped his arms around Salem. This seemed to calm him for a moment, but just a minute later, he was hyperventilating. "Hhhrhrhgggg godddd dammit!!!" Dirt gently rubbed his back, but, "TOO MUCH!!!"
"Sorry.."
"Sorry! Just! Too much sensation! AAaaahh..." Salem yowled, "My face is gonna fall off.... :("
"No, it's not. I promise," Dirt said.
"Yes it is, it's gonna shloff offa my face bones and become sliiiiiime..." Salem sobbed.
"No, buddy, you're gonna be okay.."
"Izzint weed 'posed ta be a memory loss drug?" Salem slurred, "Why am I GAINING memories righ' now..."
"You're gaining memories?" Dirt repeated back to him.
"Yeah... I jus remembered... Eeeeeeverything..." he said miserably.
"What'd you remember? Are you okay?"
"Is fine... Is just sooo weird... I. How did I forget...."
Dirt didn't want to pry, but GOD Salem was being SO vague and it was SO mysterious what the HELL was he talking about??? "...What is it?" he asked again.
"Dude I just... Ohmygod, I had, like, another home before.." he said, in amazement. "Like from the ages of 13 to like.. 18? Fuck.." He laughed manically, before crying again. "Iznot like... I... that wasso much I fucking forgor... Goooo... this is crasy.. I think living on the strees gave me big time trauma, ellohell.."
"Awh :(..." Dirt frowned.
"Shit," Salem whined, bonking his head against Dirt's chest, and bursting into sobs again. "What the fuuuuuck I NEVER cry...."
"It's okay, dude, it's just the weed," Dirt whispered.
"God dammit..." He took in a huge breath and let it out shakily. He curled in on himself, covering his face with his hands, sniffling and crying. "I love you so fucking much that it is physically crawling out of me like a spider right now and stabbing me with it's spider knife arms!!!!!" he sobbed into his hands. Dirt was sure that he'd misheard him, but no that's REALLY what he said, huh? That was a weird subject change. What happened to that other family, or whatever he was talking about?
"What? What do you mean??" Dirt asked, trying to stay in his gentle and calm voice, but he was quite alarmed at the frightening imagery that had just been invoked.
"Grrrrrrr I meean! I'm stupid freaking in love with you and it TEARS at my skin, and I don't know what to DO!" Salem sobbed between words. Dirt forced himself to stay frozen even though he wanted to pull Salem closer and squeeze him tighter. It'd probably make things worse, since the weed was making him touch-sensitive. "I.. I've never felt so intensely and its fucking WEIRD and FUCKED UP!"
Dirt had no idea what to say. He just stayed silent as Salem tried to catch his breath. "...Do you want more tissue?" he asked quietly.
".......Yeah," Salem said, just a little squeak. Dirt sat up, and Salem slowly pushed himself up as well as Dirt grabbed the tissue box and put it in front of Salem.
Salem stared at the box for a moment before reaching for a tissue and plucking it out very softly as not to rip it, then slowly, he brought it to his face and dried his tears, and wiped his nose. He crumpled the used tissues up in his fist and held it in his lap. Dirt held his hand out, "Do you want me to throw them away?" he offered.
Salem looked at his fist, then at Dirt's hand, then back at his fist as he brought his arm over like a crane machine, dropping his tissues like he was dropping a little plushie into the prize box. Dirt reached around and tossed them to his bin that was on the other side of his desk. One of them got in, but the other landed on the floor. "Aw.."
"I know I'm really gross right now but I wanna kiss you so bad it's unreal," Salem said as Dirt turned back around.
"Yeah," Dirt nodded, "No, I mean, you're not gross. Come here." He leaned into Salem, who grabbed his face with both hands as he kissed him hard. His face was wet and his lips a little salty. He pulled away and started crying again.
"Am I normal???" Salem cried.
"Huh?" Dirt cupped his face in his hand.
"To feel like this?" His grip on Dirt's face tightened.
"What? ..Yeah, dude.. Emotions are like, pretty intense sometimes...." Dirt stroked Salem's cheek with his thumb. "A-and you're feeling it so hard right now 'cuz of the weed. This will wear off," he reminded him.
"But not that I love you, right?"
"Huh?"
"Not that I love you, that won't wear off, right?" he repeated worriedly.
Dirt chuckled, "No, Salem, not that you love me." At least I hope not. Yeah, I'll give this one to Dirt, probably wasn't gonna wear off that Salem loved him.
"Okay," Salem nodded, a look of worry still on his face.
"Is it okay to hug you?" Dirt asked, growing antsy at not being able to comfort that poor face. Salem nodded again, and Dirt like, violently wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tight, rocking him back and forth. "I love you too," he said finally, "I realized I didn't actually say it back," he chuckled nervously.
"Well, I already knew that," Salem said with a manic cackle, "But yeh-yeah than-thank you for also saying it as well." They both started laughing after that one, holding each other as tight as they could.
Well I hope you're sorry. Yeah, I guess :/ At least now I know that you're worthless and I should never listen to you. Well sheesh, that hurt.. I hadn't always been wrong! There were times where I got Dirt through things with my helpful words of advice and reasoning! I am not Worthless. Well you're certainly worth less, if you heh know what I'm sayin' heh.. Yeah, I got it :/ Fucking cunt. This didn't mean that he would stop listening to me, though. I'm defo gonna try not to, tho! I'll admit it's hard when you're like, always in there.
Salem pressed play on the Babish video and lied back down on the pillows, taking shallow breaths. "You okay?" Dirt asked, lying down with him.
"Mmmmmm. Now I'm sinking... Hhhhhhhhgggg.....Ggglllll I don't like iiiiitttt..." Salem groaned, staring at the ceiling.
"Oh jeez :("
Dirt lied there with Salem for the next twenty minutes. Telling him to take deep breaths, and that everything was gonna be okay, petting his hair and caressing his face, until he finally started to calm down.
"Ooookaaay... I think I'm okay.. Still very high, but I'm not dying anymore," Salem said with a shaky laugh. "Oh my god that was like soooo embarrassing.... What did I say? A spider of your love is stabbing me eeellgghg oh em gee... Cringe."
Dirt laughed. "I'm glad you're feeling better," he said, and kissed his cheek.
Salem purred. "You helped a lot." He crawled over to Dirt and laid across his chest, stretching his arms and back as he did, his spine popping several times.
"Woah!"
"Oh em gee I'm so STIFF!" Salem complained, still stretching. He eventually got settled, and closed his eyes, quickly falling asleep. Dirt dozed off soon after, and had weird dreams where Binging with Babish was really mad at him because he kept messing up the dish he was trying to prepare.