On day two of Dirt being gone I called up Divan and invited myself over to where he was staying because I thought that having wild catboy sex would help get my mind off things. He showed up in his sexy little mini-cooper and kissed me deeply as soon as I got in the car before speeding off to the holiday inn.
"I am so sorry that Dirt is gone, mon minou," he said and god I love when he calls me that, "I will do my best to help take your mind off it, oui?"
I sighed. "Oui...." I said back. Divan chuckled and put a hand on my thigh.
When we got out of the car in the parking lot, Divan was fucking towering over me cause he was wearing fucking stilettos. Stilettos with like a suit thingie, and he had his jacket draped over his shoulders, like he didn't have his arms in the sleeves? You know what I mean. It was sexy. Anyways.
He took me up to his room and we smoked a bowl together before getting down to FUCKIN'. They were so sweet with it, as always. We made out for a little bit at first, and that was nice, but once he started kissing my neck and I was no longer really doing any work, my mind started to wander and I had to fight to bring my attention back to the moment.
I tried to just focus on the sensation, but... the thing was that the overwhelming sensation I was feeling was emptiness :/ Ugh... Annoying! So I made him come make out with me some more and that was great! When I was focused on lickin' up his mouth n' shit, that made it better, and he started to undress me from there.
And then.. well I wont go into detail, but like. It escalated. You know. And it was nice, like it felt good, but I just had some sort of stupid mental block going on! I just couldn't get over how much I missed Dirt! And it was so !! Fucking lame and annoying and UGH!!!
Like I was just trying to enjoy the pounding I was getting but every time I thought I was getting close, I just... fell off, like I couldn't cum! Which is SO not like me! I've literally never failed to cum before and like it was EMBARRASSING!
Divan was all, "Do not worry, my sweet, it happens to everyone!"
And I was like, "Even you?"
And Divan was like, "Eeeeeeeeehhhhhhh.......... Mayb-Maybe once or.. twice..." and I couldn't help but laugh at what a terrible fucking liar he was. "Okay, not really me, no, but, I'm saying here is it is NORMAL, okay? Nothing to be embarrassed about!" he assured me sweetly as he massaged one of my cat ears which made me purr which made me feel a little better.
"It's just... I'm just missing Dirt...." I said quietly because I was embarrassed about it. "Like! It's not like it's you! Like, I mean obviously you've fuckin' made me cum before!"
"Yes..." Divan smiled, probably thinking back on the memory hehe.. "You don't have to explain yourself, mon chou, it is okay," he said, and kissed my cheek.
"Okay..." I sighed. The thing is that I kind of wanted to talk about it and like maybe get advice or something, but I figured that was kinda Divan's way of saying 'I don't want to talk about this' lol. Idk maybe I'm just paranoid or some shit, but it felt like he was a little uncomfortable.. So we just ordered some room service and he let me put on Babish and we just hung out for a few hours until Sarah texted asking where I was and I had her come pick me up since Divan was too high to drive.
When I got home I took some lazy-ass pics for my OnlyFans and like... God this is so fucking sad to say but it HURT to smile in them. Like I usually love taking my sexy little pictures, and so the smiles come naturally, but NOT THIS TIME! LOL! I had never felt like this before! The only time I'd ever gotten depressed is when I had a dysphoria moment, but that feels completely different. Dysphoria to me feels like... I'm trapped. Not in the wrong body, but in place. Like I'm frozen and I can't move forward. But THIS felt like I was empty. Like there was a piece of me that was missing. Like a part of my soul was lost. God I'm such a fucking poet somebody give me a job hello????
Anyways. I texted Dirt and started bawling my stupid gay eyes out as soon as he replied.
9:43PM
me: hey i miss u :( how r things over there
me: happy valentines day also
dirt: hey!!! i miss you too baby :( happy valentines day lol.. things r okay. better than expected actually w the family tbh. the worst part is honestly being away from you dude :( this fucking sucks i didn't realize it would be so hard i really underestimated how much this would hit me..
me: :( fuck
me: FUCK!!!!!
dirt: like i keep telling myself its just two more days its not that long but fuck ur so far away
me: yeah :( like I KNOW ITS NOT THAT LONG but its like!!!
me: ugh this is so gay but its literally like a PIECE OF ME is missing
dirt: shit. yeah i feel the same dude i couldnt put it into words but yeah thats it huh
me: i mean at least im only missing u u got TWO boyfriends to miss
dirt: oh. yeah thats true but like i'm used to not seeing brian for a few days and only texting him so its not as bad like its normal for me and him to just text like.. we havent even said i miss u to each other we just talk about whats going on and stuff. but like. u and me LIVE TOGETHER so its harder when we're apart :/
me: oh yeah thats true. fuck!!! this is the worst i think!
dirt: at least its not too long tho. it'll go by fast
me: maybe for u since u have shit ur doing :/ i feel so fucked up ughhhh dude :(( dude can i tell u something
dirt: yeah??
me: i hooked up w divan and i couldnt cum. what the fuck is wrong with me.
dirt: oh shit....
dirt: dude :( im so sorry
dirt: nothings wrong with you though ive had the same problem in real bad depression slumps
me: really?
dirt: yeah dude its totally normal
dirt: god i miss you so fucking much tho
[several lines omitted for being too explicit]
10:32PM
dirt: i should go to bed. the funeral is tomorrow.
me: siiiiggghhh yeah okay :( i love u hope u sleep well
dirt: i probably wont lol ♥ i love you too
me: sorry :( i wish my magic worked long distance lol
dirt: its okay. ill talk to you after the funeral ok?
me: okaaaayyyy :( i love you
dirt: i love youTalking to Dirt made me feel a LITTLE better, but I was still pretty miserable. I checked my OnlyFans notifications to see if that would cheer me up, and I had a few of the regular comments like 'nice' and other lame-ass shit lol (not 2 be rude I mean I appreciate all my supporters of course! But it's like... everyone's saying 'nice' can you be a little creative... Just saying....) but I also had a DM from a high-paying subscriber...... It was Grooly >:)
10:15PM
tranzcatboy97: HEY SALEM!!!!!! um so like haha sorry if this is super weird and creepy u can just block me and ill never think about u again i promise but um i was wondering if u wanted to like hang out? um and like... maybe more 👉👈 haha
tranzcatboy97: also sorry for messaging u this so late at night aaahh but if i waited another day i was probably gonna chicken out again lol...First thoughts: I was DELIGHTED that Grooly wanted to fuck, and how adorably shy he was being about it. Second thoughts: Fuck I was so depressed though. I couldn't go hook up with someone, much less someone I didn't really know very well. I'd have to reject him for now. Third thoughts: Unless...
10:37PM
me: OMG hiiiii hehe omg yes??? i wld LOVE to "hang out" w you HEHE 😊
tranzcatboy97: SWAGGY!!! um so i was thinking about getting a hotel room cuz it might be uncomfortable being at my place w my family there and i dont wanna intrude on u and sarah and dirt!
tranzcatboy97: even tho tooly has sex here all the time -_- its annoying tho and i dont wanna be annoying like him lol
me: OMFG XD yeah we can get a room that sounds epic :3 ummmmmm can u like... drive
tranzcatboy97: yeah! me n tools share a car but he hates driving so its basically mine B)
me: omg.... kind of sexy.. do u like have a drivers lisence and everything?
tranzcatboy97: yeah ofc! how else would i drive haha
me: haha yeah i guess thats trueDid not want to mention the fact that Divan definitely does not have a legal drivers license but drives anyway.....
me: how did u like. get it? being a catboy and all... i dont even exist in the eys of the law lmao
tranzcatboy97: oh wow! um idk i just got it the normal way! like i took the test and stuff. and i guess one of my moms did something when we were little to make sure we had like records and stuff but tbh im not entirely sure how exactly lol i should probably find out huh
me: oooh that makes sense! thats pretty cool! sometimes i wish i could do stuff like that but also not having any record of existing comes in handy sometimes ;3
tranzcatboy97: haha... what do u mean by that 😳
me: ;3c
me: not sure if onlyfans dms is a very secure platform so legally i am joking and ive never committed any crimes
tranzcatboy97: XD
me: anywayz! so when did u wanna meet up?
tranzcatboy97: whatever works for u! im free all day tomorrow :3
me: okay then um tomorrow in the morning? i might be busy in the evening
tranzcatboy97: sure! like 9 or something?
me: yeah thats good :3
tranzcatboy97: ok then i should get to sleep hah! see u then!! :3
me: see u !! ♥
Okay, I swear I meant to bring up the whole Dirt being gone for a funeral and me being depressed thing, but it just didn't come up! I mean, did YOU see a place where I could have brought it up, reader? Let me know in the comments below or whatever!!! After that, I used my sleep magic on myself to konk the fuck out. It's really helpful for stuff like this! Never have to be up all night all nervous about the next day for whatever reason, just ssnsnszzzzz...
"Grooly's gonna pick me up at 9 to 'hang out'," I told Sarah as she was making breakfast for her and also me. (I said "hang out" with air quotes.)
"Oh! Sounds like fun!" she said as she poured coffee into her favorite mug (it was once she painted herself! It was also my favorite mug because it's so pretty and every time I drank out of it I imagined her painting it in peacefulness :3) "So you're holding up alright?" she asked.
I felt a pang in my chest. Of what emotion, I was not sure. "Yeah I'm fiiiiiiine," I lied.
"Well okay, then..." she said, unsure, "I'm glad you're doing better than before! I'd never seen you like that, it was a little scary to be honest.."
"Well that's sweet of you to care, my good Sarah, but obviously I was overreacting a bit. He'll be back in just one more day!" I was being so brave about it. Not even on the verge of tears or anything. So chill and epicstyle. She smiled (uneasily?) as she gave me my plate and petted my head. It was a tuna and egg sandwich, DELICIOUS!
Pretty much as soon as I was done with breakfast, Grooly was there to come and get me! Funny how things work out like that, so simple! I have no idea what kind of car it was so don't ask. It was big and boxy and white and super clean, like, I almost wondered if he got a car wash on the way over...
When I got in the passenger seat, I could instantly tell how nervous he was. It was pretty cute. He had his hair pulled back with a headband so he could see while driving (also with his signature bucket hat on) and I realized he has heterochromia! One orange eye and one green! So cute!!! I said, "Oh, you have heterochromia that's so cool!!" Also now that his hair was pulled back I could actually see his whole face the first time and omg he's SO handsome.. I didn't realize before that he had freckles! And he had bushy eyebrows which is SO hot to me.
"Yeah! Tooly has it too but the opposite way!" he said.
"NO WAY THAT'S SO DOPE!!!"
"Hehe yeah :3" he said, and I could hear the :3 trust me. It was in there.
As he drove, Grooly did a lot of clicking of his tongue and whistling, like making up a nice little song :) And then like blah blah blah the tension in the car etc... Like he was nervous and I was also a little nervous because I knew I probably wasn't about to give my best performance and shit but let's just skip ahead to when we got there.
So when we got there and we were in the room sitting on the bed together (it was less fancy than Divan's room, but not too shabby!) and we took off our cat-ear-hiding-hats n shit and Grooly was all like 👉👈 "Ummm sooo... I should tell you..... I'm... a virgin...." he said, and I could hear his breathlessness oh gosh he was sooooo anxious!
"Really?!?" I was surprised! I mean he's so so sexy and he's like 25 or something! I mean, to be fair, I am also so so sexy and only had my first time at 21, so.. But still! I was living on the streets and shit! This dude had like a relatively normal person life compared to me, I thought!
"Y-yeah... Haha... I'm always afraid of being outed.. As a catboy AND as a trans guy, you know?" Oh :(
"Oh.. yeah... I didn't think about that, like, you're kind of famous, huh?"
"Haha! Barely! But anyways.. When I first saw your content on OnlyFans it made me so happy to see that there was someone out there like me! Another trans catboy!! Ah!!! Hehe!" he giggled nervously.
"Hehe!" I giggled also, and nuzzled my head against his cheek.
"I um.. I know that I don't actually know you very well, like, in person, but... Aaahh sorry if I'm being weird..." Grooly covered his face with his hands all embarrassed.
"No no! It's like! We're kind of the same like that! We both know each other from our content!" I assured him.
"Yeah!! It's like! Parasocial relationship... except... double-sided... Mobius double reach-around parasocial relationship...."
"...Mobius double reach around?"
Grooly got instantly very flustered. "Uh. Sorry. That was just a reference to a thing. Sorry, I do that a lot... Heh..."
"Oh! Don't be sorry, I was just wanting to understand!" I told him, trying to be so so sweet so he knew everything was cool and fine. "What was it a reference to?" When I asked that, he physically cringed and looked off to the side.
"Uhhhh it-it uhh.. Umm... It was a Homestuck reference...." he said, ashamed. Homestuck... Where had I heard that name before... It sounded so familiar, but I just couldn't place it! Perhaps a lost memory from the dark times? (Which is what I call the period of time in my teen years where I repressed almost everything.)
"Homestuck... That sounds super familiar.... What is it?" I asked. Grooly seemed to be retreating into himself more and more with each line of the conversation.
"Euurrrhhhggh.... It's uhhhhhhhh...... I-it's kind of embarrassing, to be honest, most people kind of hate it? It's like. Hard to explain... It's um. A nuanced work," he explained.
"Well.. Like, what is it, though? I feel like I've definitely heard about it somewhere before, but I can't remember!"
"It's a uh. A webcomic." I nodded, and tried to get him to continue his explanation with my facial expression, but he wasn't looking at my face.
"...And? What is it about?" Grooly looked like he was going to explode.
"UH HAHA.... Good question! Fans are dying to know!" he said with a TV interviewer voice which was very cute. "Umm... If you REALLY wanna know, I think it's better to look it up, I uh.. If I start trying to explain it, I'll black out and five hours will pass and I'll probably fry your brain, haha!"
"What's embarrassing about it, is it like.. smut or something?"
"No, no! Well.. No! Not at all! It's just like... Hasn't.. aged well. It's like, VERY universally hated, I didn't mean to bring it up I just sort of.. I make a lot of references? To stuff? Because that's just kind of how my thoughts are, like I kind of relate everything to different things I like? It's.. weird.. sorry..." Grooly said, and took his headband off so he could hide his face :( I frowned so hard :(
This was a man who had clearly had his interests shut down too much throughout his life! I wanted to brush the hair back out of his face and comfort him but I didn't want to intrude. Hiding is a pretty universal catperson coping mechanism.
"That's not weird at all!" I said, "I think that's so cool! I do that too, sometimes! It's like.. Pattern-seeking brain!" I hugged one of his arms and nuzzled my face against his shoulder.
"Hah.. Seriously?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yeah!! And look, you don't have to be nervous, because like, I'm SO not judging you! Like... I already think you're like, the coolest guy ever!" I squeezed his arm harder.
Grooly let out a sigh of relief along with a little chuckle, and nuzzled his cheek against the top of my head.
"Soooo..... Do you... wanna have sex?" I asked cheerfully.
"Oh! R-right! Yeah! Haha!" Grooly laughed. "Uh... I...." He slumped a little, tucking his chin into his neck, all shy...
"Do you wanna kiss?" I asked as I got up onto my knees and turned around to face him.
He smiled nervously. "O-okay!" He sat up a little straighter. I straddled his hips and took his face, very gently, in my hands, before giving his lips a quick peck. He just sat there with his hands at his sides, stiff as a board, frozen solid!
I rubbed his cheek to try and comfort him and said, "Relax," all quiet-like and whispery.
"Sorry..." he breathed, and I could feel him trying to relax his body, but he was still so tense!
"It's okay!" I petted his hair for a minute because it was very fluffy and nice and I actually didn't mean to sit there petting him for so long but it made him purr, so! A good sign! It felt like he was starting to relax just a teensy bit more! I kissed him again, for longer this time, but he wasn't really kissing back.
I leaned back and looked at his face, which I.. couldn't really see because it was obscured by his hair. "Are you okay?" I asked, since I couldn't read him very well...
"Y-yeah! Sorry, I'm just so nervous... You're so experienced and.. Well........that was my first kiss..." he admitted, embarrassed, "But, I want this, I prommy—promise—sorry.."
"Hehe! Don't apologize for saying prommy, I say prommy all the time!" I said and booped his nose. "And, I'm not really THAT experienced, I mean, I've only been with two people, and they both had dicks, so you're a new experience for me, too!"
"S-sure... but. I mean. Compared to ZERO, two is kind of a lot, to me...." He had his chin tucked into his neck again. "I just.. I'm not really sure what to do, and I don't want to fuck anything up and for you to think I'm an idiot..."
"Hey!" I said a bit more forceful than I was talking just a second ago, but not like yelling or loud, as I held his face and made him look at me. "I prommy that I'm not gonna think you're an idiot, okay?!"
"Hehe... Okay...." he smiled. I kissed him again while still holding his face, and he felt a lot more relaxed than the last kiss. He actually pursed his lips a little to kiss me back that time! His hands were still stuck at his sides, though, so I reached for them by running my hands down his arms. Still kissing him, I wrapped his arms around my torso and he sighed happily against my lips.
"We can just take things slow if you want," I told him, "We could just kiss and like.. hang out... We don't have to fuck, or anything, if you're not ready!"
"Mm.... I think I'd like to fuck..." he said, and I giggled so hard at that.
"Hehehe!!! Okay!" I kissed him again, and this time, I introduced a lil tongue to the equation 😏 We made out for a little while, and Grooly was super shy the whole time. I had to like, take his hands and put them on me to get him to touch me at all.
After another couple minutes, his hands were still where I'd placed them, but his fingers started to twitch. I pulled back for a second to say, "You can touch me however you want. Nothing's off-limits," and then went back in for the smoochin'. With shaky hands, he dipped under my shirt and pressed his palms against my love-handles.
Honestly it was soooo cute how nervous he was but I was also a little weary about if he was like, okay and shit. But I hoped that I could trust him to tell me if he wanted to stop.
I kissed him deeper, and ran my hands down his torso to start lifting his shirt up. He took his arms away from me to help me remove his shirt, avoiding my gaze as he leaned back to pull it over his head. "Oh em gee! Your scars look like a little cat mouth!!! That's so epic!!!" I said, pointing to his top surgery scars, which totally looked like :3 with the eyes being his nipples.
"Yeah my character design is pretty solid, huh?" he laughed.
"HA!! Oh my fucking god you're SOOO funny..." I said all flirtily as I took my shirt off.
"Hoah wow..." Grooly whispered as he shyly reached to touch my boobs. "You're so... So... Wow....."
"HEHE!!! So wow?" I teased, caressing his jaw with my thumb. He just smiled and nuzzled into my hand. It was weird, seeing him so silent. In his videos, and when we first met, Grooly was always SUPER talkative! Always rambling adorably about whatever! But he was so shy, now, like... haha omg get this... like the cat got his tongue????? HAH!!! Oh man somebody get me a comedy special on Netflix! Anyways.
We kissed some more, and I gave him a couple of hickeys, while periodically checking in to make sure he was still doing okay. And like UGH he was just SO fucking adorable the whole time!!! Like he was so shy, but also very enthusiastic.
To be honest, when I had like, fantasized about him before (like before I knew he was tranzcatboy97), I had expected him to be the dominant one, but I was excited that it turned out this way instead! Especially at that specific time. I think it was a lot better for me to be focusing on someone else and their pleasure rather than agonizing over myself not being able to cum. Which would have been way more stressful with a new person, especially Grooly, who implied he was worried about being able to impress me. I was actually pretty thankful that he turned out to be a lil shy guy because that meant I could just stay focused on him and his needs and not think about all the shit that was swarming in my mind. Anyways.
I helped him get out of his pants as well, and took GREAT delight in going down on him. I won't go into detail, but, moral of the story? Catboy pussy fucking RULES. Not like I couldn't guess, from how my partners reacted to mine 😌 But like, I was so fucking psyched to finally be PARTAKING in the catboy pussy. It was epic, to say the least.
Right when I thought he was getting close, though, he pushed my head away. "Fu-fuck.. Sorry, it was.. o-overstimulating..." he said, through panting breaths.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" I apologized, and kissed the inside of his thigh very sweetly.
"No, no, it's okay, I liked it! I just need a break..."
"Yeah, we can take a break!" I said, and got up to go crawl over to him so I could give him a little kiss on the cheek. I praised him a whole bunch, which made him giggle adorably. Then wiped my mouth off on my wrist before gently tilting Grooly's face towards mine for a kiss. He kissed me back enthusiastically, apparently having broken through a lot of his shyness, as he shoved his tongue into my mouth!
It seemed like the tables were starting to turn, as Grooly was getting grabby, and I was just loving this turn of events.
One thing led to another, and eventually he had pinned my wrists down beside my head. And look, I've been trying to make this tasteful, okay? I've been mincing this scene pretty fucking heavily to make it more palatable to a wider audience but y'all... He was Fucking Me, okay? In the middle of it, I kept trying to keep the hair out of his face, but it kept falling down, so he went and grabbed his headband again before going right back to fucking me. Eventually, he seemed to completely over his shyness, cause he was like really just Going At It and it was hot as fuck.
After he came, and he was catching his breath, Grooly tried speaking, "Should-should I.." but then took a second to catch his breath, then chuckled a little before retrying his sentence, "Should I keep going? Til you cum?" he asked.
My heart sank. "Um... Let's take another break," I said.
"Okay," Grooly nodded, and peeled himself off of me before flopping over onto his back with a relieved sigh. "Thank you," he said, putting a hand on my thigh.
"Mhmm," I hummed, my mind suddenly drifting.
Grooly sat up with a start, looking at me very concerned. "What's wrong?" Fuck. He could smell it on me :/
"It's okay, don't worry about it!" I said, waving my hands around, "It has nothing to do with you, I prommy!"
"Mmm :/" Grooly nervously whined.
"No, really! That was a lot of fun! Um.. Just..." Ugh! I didn't know what to say! I didn't want to bring the whole mood down by talking about Dirt and why he was away, or even that I missed him, and it would be hard to explain why I wasn't gonna be able to cum without explaining that! "Umm.. I got enough out of just pleasuring you! I'm.. kind of tired anyway," I lied.
Grooly tilted his head. "You don't wanna cum?" he asked, apparently very confused by this, which was fair! He's seen my videos... He could almost definitely tell something fishy was going on.. "Are you okay?" he asked, and I could tell he was getting increasingly anxious.
"Yeah, I'm fine I'm fine! I uh..." I sighed, and got that feeling like I wanted to cry, but knew I wasn't going to because of the testosterone. Like a lump forming in my throat and a weight on my chest that I knew was just going to sit there and eat at me, because I wasn't gonna be able to cry even if I actively tried to.
"Do you want me to get your clothes?" he asked, and I couldn't help but pick up on the disappointment in his voice. All of a sudden I was furious. Hot rage boiling in my stomach, and I wanted to scream.
"Mhmm," I muttered. Grooly quickly gathered my shirt and pants and handed them to me before getting back into his own clothes as well. We got dressed in silence, and I could hear how shaky his breathing was and it made me even more angry. "I'll be right back," I said as I pulled my beanie on, and then walked out into the hallway.
I marched out of the hotel, breaking into a run once I was a few feet away from the entrance. I ran around to behind the building where I transformed into catmode, so I could run even faster. I ran around the parking lot for a little while to blow off steam, and it helped a lot.
I don't know what happened to me. I wasn't mad at Grooly, of course not! I was just suddenly overtaken with such intense feelings of rage, like I rarely ever felt before in my life. I let out some big angry yowls in cat form, but I wished I could have screamed with my human voice, because the feeling is a lot different, and I think a lot more cathartic. But I didn't want to alarm anyone who might hear.
After I'd calmed down, I hid behind the hotel again and transformed back, and I realized that my nails were all fucked up from scrabbling around the parking lot. I cringed and growled, knowing it meant I'd have to cut them.
As I walked back into the hotel, I realized I didn't take note of which room number Grooly's was, so I took out my iPod and texted him asking which one it was, and I felt like such a fucking idiot asshole. He responded with the room number, and I speed-walked back to the room, slowly opening the door when I arrived.
"Hey," I said in a sad sad voice, shutting the door behind me.
"Hey! Are you okay?? I-I'm so sorry if I fucked up, I-I don't know what I did or said that made you run out like that but I-"
"HEY!" I yelled, cutting him off, "You didn't do anything wrong, I told you, it has NOTHING to do with you, okay?" I think I may have sounded angrier than I intended. Grooly's ears flattened against his head and his whole body tensed up.
"Okay... I.. I'm sorry..." he apologized again. I growled unintentionally, and Grooly hid behind his hair again.
"Fuck.. No.. I'm sorry, Grooly," I sighed, and sat next to him on the bed. "I promise you didn't do anything wrong. You did a really really good job, okay? And.. I'd love to do this again soon. I just... Things aren't great for me right now? I.." I let out a long, grumbly sigh, "Yeah..."
There were a few moments of silence, where it seemed Grooly was thinking of what to say next. "Well... What's going on? What's... what's not great?"
"Ummm...." I didn't want to tell him anything! I was already embarrassed by the way I stormed out, and I felt like getting into it would be like, trauma dumping and would be annoying and make things really really bad! We sat in silence for a while as I stared at my hands, picking at my nails.
Grooly hesitantly reached out, touching my hand with his fingertips. "Were you running around on the pavement?" he asked, obviously already knowing the answer from the way my nails looked.
"Yeah," I said with a chuckle.
"Salem..." Grooly said, like he was about to start a sentence, but instead he just sighed, and didn't say anything else. Another full minute of silence passed before he spoke again. "I.... You.. I'm really worried about you, man.." More beats of silence as I had no idea how to respond to that. "I understand if you don't wanna talk about it... but... I... prommy I wouldn't judge you for it, whatever it is..."
"Mmm.." I hummed, and flopped against him. "It's just that...." I sighed, trying to think of exactly how little I could say while still giving him the gist, "Dirt's out of town, and I really miss him. And I feel stupid about it," was what I came up with. Grooly remained quiet, seeming to think I had more to say, but nope! "That's it," I added.
"Oh. I thought you were gonna say more, sorry. Um." Grooly slowly and awkwardly put his arm around my shoulder, and I nuzzled into his side. "I... I'm not really good at.. mm.. knowing what to say to help people... I-I'm sorry you're.. like... feeling ... down...." I chuckled a little at just how bad he was at this.
"I'm fine, I just... I don't even know what happened to be honest," I laughed nervously, "He's gonna be back literally tomorrow, like it's really not a big deal he hasn't even been gone that long, like there's no reason for me to be so upset over it!" I accidentally rambled. I really didn't mean to say all that :/
"Hey.. No, dude.. It's okay to be upset!" Grooly said, almost sounding incredulous. "Even if you know it's gonna be okay later.. that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be sad right now!" I didn't know what to say to that, so I just hummed again and slung my arm around Grooly's torso. He pet my hair as he continued to speak, "That's something I had to unlearn, too. Like, I used to get really mad at myself for getting upset over small stuff, but like... It's OKAY. Y-you can't help how you feel, y'know?" Yeah, that was pretty smart..
"Okay..." I mumbled miserably into his side.
"Do... Do you want me to take you home?"
I thought about that for a second. I still felt bad about taking out my anger on him, and I felt like I needed to make it up to him, still. "No," I decided, "I wanna hang out with you, if that's okay."
"YEAH! OF COURSE!" Grooly yelled excitedly, and squeezed my shoulder. I looked up to see he was smiling down at me so SO sweetly, with a dopey smile on his face, and his eyes seemed to glimmer. I smiled back at him, and then broke into a laugh.
"Do you have a crush on me?" The moment I said that, I felt his heart rate SKYROCKET.
"Uhhhhahahh..... I.......heheh.... I-I mean.... I.. I don't-n-Not if it's weird..." he said, and his face was SO red, like, even more than when we were fucking, like THIS was way too much for him. It was pretty fucking adorable, to be honest. I chuckled pretty hard at that, I mean, we had just FUCKED for gods sake!
"Grooly, we just had SEX."
"I KNOW!! I KNOW!!!! BUT! But.. It was supposed to be, like, casual sex, right? Like just a hook up? Not like, romantic, or anything!" he stuttered, laughing nervously.
"Hehe!! Oooh man.. You're so cute when you get all flustered like that :3" I said, and then booped him on the nose. "Hehe! It's okay if you have a crush on me, I know I'm very loveable," I chirped.
Grooly giggled gayly at that. "Ehehe! I! I uh..! I mean, I don't actually know you very well! I just.. y'know.. think you're really cute and you've been really nice to me, so.. y'know..." he trailed off.
"So... We could be like... friends with benefits until we inevitably fall in love?" I said, half-joking.
"Uuhm! Haha!" Grooly's voice cracked.
"I'm like, half-joking," I clarified, because I wasn't sure if he could tell, "I mean, we can just be like. Friends who kiss and have sex sometimes and not, like, put any other label on it!" I suggested.
Grooly nodded, "That sounds nice..." he smiled so sweetly.
After that, we cuddled for a while, and then eventually we ended up talking about Animal Crossing because I really was wanting to play New Horizons cause it looked so fun, and Grooly told me that HE had it and he told me all about his island and his villagers and stuff, and he pulled up pictures of them on his phone to show me them all, and even though I was lowkey jealous, it was still really nice.
I really felt a connection with Grooly, one that I didn't get with Divan. I mean I felt, like A connection with Divan, but it was just different with Grooly, in a way that I'm not sure how to really describe? It felt like he understood me on a different level. Maybe it was because we're both trans guys? But I dunno cause it really felt like even more than that! Maybe it had to do with the fact that I had watched his videos on youtube, and so I had like a little bit of insight into who he was already, before we even met. Probably something like that, yeah that makes sense!
We spent a good few hours just hanging out and shootin the shit, and for just a little while, I wasn't even thinking about how badly I missed Dirt. I was laughing and goofing around and I felt! happy!!
Around 4pm-ish, Grooly drove me back home, and he let me play my playlist in the car and he actually said that he already liked a lot of the songs that were on it so that was sexy!! When we got back, Grooly walked me to the door and kissed me goodbye, having to like, bend down to do that, have I mentioned how tall he is? He's quite tall. Anyways.
When I walked through the door, Sarah and Mittens were cuddled up on the couch together, watching some random video essay that I didn't care about. Sarah paused it when I sat down on the couch next to them. "Hey, how'd it go?" she asked.
"It was epicstyle," I told her, "He has a huge crush on me," I bragged.
"Oh em gee, cute!!" Mittens squealed, "Keep it up and maybe you'll have as many partners as me some day," she said, flipping her hair egotistically. I rolled my eyes with a scoff and punched her in the shoulder. "OW!! WHORE!" she hissed, and punched me back.
"HEY!!" Sarah yelled, "Don't fight!!!"
"Oh, relax, we're just playing!" Mittens assured her, while patting Sarah's knee sensually which weirded me out a little. I quickly decided I did not want to be in the room with them, so I retreated to Dirt and my's room, and curled up on his pillow in cat form, waiting for him to text me after the funeral like he said he would.
for an extended cut of the sex scene (just the second one I didn't write an extended of the one with Divan), click here (18+ only, obviously)
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