back nextDirt's brother, Clay, picked him up from the airport. They shared a sweet, brotherly hug before getting back into the car and driving away. "It's good to see you, bro!!" Clay said excitedly.
He was the spitting image of Young Dirt, except his hair was bleached, and he had a bit of a mullet from not having gotten it cut for a while. Their mom probably gave him huge flack for both of those things. Dirt was willing to bet she had told him no less than 100 times that he needs to get a haircut. She probably even offered to pay for it. Classic mom...
He was about as tall as Dirt, maybe give or take a few inches, and had the same sad eyes and big nose as his brother, but his face wasn't as long, and was less angular. One could even go so far as to describe it as 'roundish.' He was definitely a better dresser than Dirt, though. He was wearing sick combat boots, nice dark jeans that looked new? Or maybe Dirt just wasn't used to seeing clean jeans. And a light, mustard-colored sweater over a perfectly white tshirt. He also wore a pair of roundish glasses with thin, silver rims.
Dirt fucking WISHED he had the energy to like, wash his clothes more often. And had the money to get nicer and newer clothes. In contrast, he was wearing what he woke up in that morning: grey sweatpants riddled with holes, an old high-school tshirt that permanently smelled like chlorine for some reason, and his old reliable navy blue hoodie. "Yeah man I've missed you bigtime! I still use the ashtray you made for me," said Dirt as he let himself pretend, for just a moment, that he wasn't just here for a funeral.
"Awww for real? That thing's such a piece of shit, haha!" Clay laughed.
"What? No way! It's perfect and useful and looks like a pokeball! Enough said!" The brothers laughed together as Clay lightly punched Dirt's shoulder.
"So, how have you been, man? How's life with mom going?" Dirt asked, a bit tentative.
"Oh, y'know..." Clay sighed, "You know how it is with mom." Dirt nodded sympathetically. "I'm actually moving, soon," he revealed. "Uhm. But. She doesn't know yet so...." Keeping one hand on the wheel, Clay did a little zipper-lips motion with the other hand.
"Oh shit?" said Dirt inquisitively.
"Yeah.. Me and my fiance... That mom also doesn't know about, haha," Clay laughed awkwardly, "Uh.. We found a place in Colorado where we won't have to pay rent if we work there. It's basically a hotel-type thing," he explained.
"FIANCE??" Dirt emphasized, "You're getting MARRIED, bro???"
"Haha! Well.. I mean, I dunno. We didn't really... Like I didn't propose, or they didn't propose to me, or anything," Dirt took HEAVY note of the pronoun used there, "We just know we're probably gonna eventually get married anyway, and like.. well to be honest, when you tell someone you're moving in with your 'partner,' things get a little murky. They're like 'your work partner?' like no, I'm in love with them. I guess we will be work partners, though, haha!!" He cleared his throat, uneasily. "Um. I mean. You get it, right?"
"Yeah, man, of course!" Dirt slapped Clay on the back. "Bro loosen UP! It's ME! You seem so weird!"
Clay let out a shaky sigh, and let his shoulders relax. "Sorry." He shook his head as if to get all those pesky stray and unwanted thoughts outta there. Dirt let him have a moment to collect himself.
"It's uh... It's weird. I've never talked to a family member about.. my fiance before, hah!" Clay admitted.
Dirt frowned. "Well, you can talk to me about anything, dude," he said sincerely, "Even if everyone else in our family is crazy, and we feel like we can't really be honest with them. Like, you know I get that, right? Mom thinks I am living a completely different life than I actually am." Dirt paused for a moment.
"Yeah, I get that," said Clay, with a sigh.
Actually... He still doesn't really know about my life. He only knows the lies I tell mom. Should I... tell him the truth? Considering Clay had just been honest about his own life, yes, Dirt probably ought to have told his brother his own truth as well.
"Actually..." Dirt began, anxiously fiddling with the hem of his hoodie, "You kind of... Don't know about my life, either... I mean, you know that I don't actually go to the college classes I told mom about. And you know I don't actually have a girlfriend, right?"
Clay nodded, but then hesitated. "Wait.. No, I was also under the impression you had a girlfriend... But... Hah! Okay, not to be mean, but I kind of didn't believe you in the first place..."
"WHAT! Man... Okay, that's fair... But.. Actually I... Have ... two boyfriends? Heh..." Clay looked SHOCKED.
"WHAT?!" he shouted, with a huge smile on his face. "You do NOT. You're so fucking with me!"
Dirt laughed. "No, no I really do! I know, it's fucking crazy! Believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are!" Clay was laughing. "Here, I'll show you.. I have a selfie of me and Brian, actually..." Dirt scrolled through his pictures on his phone and found a picture of him and Brian at work together, Brian's arm around his shoulder, both of them smiling sweetly. In love :)
He held up his phone to Clay's face so he didn't have to look to far from the road. Clay took several quick glances at the picture, his face contorting more and more in straight up befuddlement each time. "THAT'S your fucking coworker. No fucking way you are dating that hunk," he laughed.
"I am!!!!" Dirt laughed harder, punching his brother in the shoulder. "Dude imagine if I was lying about dating my coworker?? That'd be so fuckin' creepy, dude!" Clay just laughed.
"Okay, yeah yeah.. So what about the other one?" he asked.
"Hold on..." Dirt scrolled through his phone, looking for a picture of Salem that he could show to Clay, but any pictures he had of him were either in Cat Forme or showed his cat ears. "Man.. I don't have any pics of him, but that's cuz we live together. Like, I see him every single day, I don't need pics with him!" Dirt said, excusing himself. Tbh I should take more pics with Salem.. For the memories...
"Live together?" Clay repeated, "So is Sarah fake, too?"
"No, no, Sarah's real. All three of us live together!"
Clay rolled his eyes playfully. "Okaaayyy..." he said skeptically.
"Man whatever! I'm just trying to be truthful like you just were with me!" Dirt chuckled. "Anyway, as I was trying to say.. Uh, I just work at seven-eleven and smoke weed all day, and that's basically all I do."
"That honestly sounds like the fucking life," Clay said, teetering on the edge of irony and sincerity. Dirt chuckled, not finding his life to be one held up as the pinnacle. Except for the boyfriends, I guess. That is pretty much living The Life, I must admit. :~)
"So what about you? What are you doing nowadays, aside from being about to move out?" Dirt asked.
Clay shrugged. "Meh. Not much..." he replied.
"Aw c'mon, don't you have any hobbies?" Dirt pushed, and I thank him because I need Clay to give more exposition about his life. "What about pottery? You used to be way into that!"
"Pssh. When I was 16," Clay said dismissively, "I dunno... Uhhh I guess gaming could count? But I kind of feel guilty about it."
"What? Why??" Dirt took offense because, "That's one of the other only things I do!"
"Yeah, well, you get to, because you have a job!" Clay countered, "I just feel bad, like, I should be doing productive things..."
"Maaaan... Do video games make you happy?"
"....I ... Yeah, of course..." Clay did not seem to know where Dirt was going with this.
"Then fuck that mindset! That's literally mom's voice in your head. I think playing video games is a valid hobby!"
"Well... Yeah, but I just feel like I have potential for more than just that, and I'm just, like, wasting my time," Clay sighed.
Dirt sighed as well. "Mm.. I feel you, man," he grumbled. "God, I always feel like I'm not doing enough. Like all I do is work for a little over minimum wage, and then I go home and smoke weed and play video games. Even with a job, I don't feel like I'm contributing to society..."
"Hah yeah, well, at least you HAVE a job, dude. Like, at least you're actually making a living and not mooching offa mom like I am. I mean. At least that's about to change." He sounded just a touch hopeful.
"Ugh... Can we talk about something that doesn't make me wanna tear my face off?" Dirt groaned.
Clay laughed at that. "Yeah, man, sorry. What do you wanna talk about?"
"Maaaan I dunnoooo... I wanna know what you've been UP TO for the years we haven't been like, talkin' to each other."
Again, Clay chuckled, this time a bit uneasily. "Uuuhhhmm I mean... Literally nothing. I mean..." he sighed, "Like, my partner and I started dating. Eeeehhh... That's really all that's happened to me."
"Well then tell me about that! I don't even know their name!"
"Oh, uh, It's Winnie."
"Cool. And?? How'd you meet?" Dirt tried to encourage Clay. They didn't remember him being so... shy? Especially not with them! Dirt remembered Clay as being very talkative as a child and teen, especially when it was the two of them. Now it was like Dirt was a new person to him. Dirt wished he knew why Clay suddenly seemed so... far away to them. Like he wasn't getting the same brother he remembered. Had three years really changed that much? Maybe it's grief? Maybe he was closer to grandpa than I thought? I'm just reading into this too much, I'm only here to attent a funeral for fucks sake.
I'm ... *only* here to attend a funeral :/ Maybe that's part of it. That I seriously haven't talked to him in that long and that *this* is what it took. Shit. I'm such a terrible brother. Alright Dirt needed to cut it out with the god damn pity party. He was here NOW he might as well talk to his brother NOW. Fuck. I wasn't paying attention. What did he say? Oh my god.
"Fuck, sorry, say that again?"
"You missed that?" Clay asked, seemingly amused.
"I totally zoned out," Dirt laughed sorrowfully.
Clay chuckled. "Man, is your head okay? You've done that since we were kids!"
"Done what? Wait. No, but what did you say?"
"No, like you ask a question and then zone out for the answer," he laughed.
"I'm sorry!!" Dirt laughed, "My brain is fucked, dude, I don't know! What did you say???"
Clay had to catch his breath a little after laughing at his idiot older brother. "I said , 'we met in middle school.'"
"Woah what? Did I ever meet them?" Dirt asked, having remembered a few of Clay's friends that would come over when he was a kid. Once high school hit, he stopped having friends over as much.
"Ummmm I don't think so? I mean.. We weren't that close in middle school, it was actually... Um.. We saw each other at graduation--high school graduation--after like, we hadn't really seen each other all throughout high school?" Clay paused. "Um.. Like... we were just in different classes and stuff, and we saw each other in the halls, but we never talked or hung out or anything. But our names are next to each other--last names--so we stood next to each other in line and we sort of.. caught up! During uh, rehearsal and stuff. And... yeah!"
"Aww, that's pretty cool!" Dirt exclaimed, "When did you start dating?"
"Teh.. Since when are you interested in my dating life?" Clay sneered light-heartedly.
"Wh?? Since you HAD one????" Dirt teased.
"Dude, I dated girls in high school! You don't remember??"
"WHAT?? NO????"
"Well... I never brought any of them home, cause I didn't want mom to know, but I thought I told you about... at LEAST one of them!" Clay explained.
"I... I don't remember, dude. Gimme a name, what was one of their names that I should apparently know?"
"Gillian," Clay proclaimed.
"Gilian..." Dirt thought for a moment. Gillian gillian.... Gillian? nope. "Yeah, I have no idea, I'm sorry, bro," Dirt laughed, "I have shit memory, dude."
Clay laughed/scoffed. "God, dude..."
"You keep dodging my questions by making fun of me!!!" Dirt yelled, faux angrily, "What happened, when did you start dating! I'm curious about my little bro!!!"
"Eugh... 'Little bro'? Seriously?" Clay groaned.
"YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN!!!!" Dirt hollered. Clay burst out laughing.
"SORRY!!! Okay!!!! We-we started hanging out a lot after graduation, since neither of us were going to college, and like... we just... grew closer and stuff and... yeah, yknow..."
"That is SO vague...." Dirt criticized.
"Well?!?! That's what happened! What do you want from me?"
"Like, the whole story? Dude, you used to fuckin' RAMBLE about shit to me where's that guy?"
Clay sighed, and his gaze turned vaguely cloudy as he stared out at the road, but just for a moment. "Sorry, man, I don't know... I mean.... It's just the first time I've dated someone who isn't a girl, and like... I mean obviously I know you're cool, but... I haven't really told anyone else about it...."
"Oh... Dude....." Dirt frowned as he put a hand on Clay's shoulder. "I get it. I remember being in the closet before moving out. Uhhh... speaking of which? I'm kind of nonbinary? I don't think you knew that..."
Clay seemed to perk up a little at this, and he immediately felt more relaxed. "Oh, really?? Like.. you... do you like, identify as transgender?"
"Hhhhhheeeellll yeah, brotherrrr!!!! I'm trans as hell!!!" Dirt proudly exclaimed. To both of them, it felt like breathing was a little easier with the air cleared like that.
Clay laughed at Dirt's Hogan-esque proclamation.
The rest of the conversation seemed to flow lighter, after that. Like the clumps of moss had been cleared from the stream. Clay told Dirt all about Winnie. About how, after graduation, he and Winnie basically became best friends, but of course they never hung out at Clay's place because of mom, so it was either Winnie's place with the annoying little siblings, or finding somewhere else to hang out.
So they'd find places to hang out. Up the mountain near their town was always a good spot. Hardly anyone was ever around, so they didn't have to worry about people hearing them...... TALK!! Hearing their CONVERSATIONS!!! They didn't..! Anyway... It was either there, or behind the abandoned Ralph's, or the field next to the middle school that burned down. And the more they hung out, the more they realized how much they liked each other! And they realized they wanted to share their lives with each other!
Dirt was smiling so so big and he thought he might cry. "Dude... That's awesome, that makes me so happy!" His voice cracked a little.
Clay chuckled, "Dude don't cry!! What the fuck!"
"I'm not I'm not!!!" Dirt said in defense, waving his hands around. In that moment, however, he realized they were only one turn away from the house. One turn away from seeing mom again.
Anxiety pooled in Dirt's stomach, and he shook his hands out, trying to quell his nerves. When Clay opened the garage door, it triggered even more anxiety within Dirt, and for a moment he worried he might throw up, but thankfully, the feeling quickly subsided. As Dirt unbuckled his seatbelt, his mom appeared, opening the door that leads into the house. She had a smile on her face, but her eyes looked sad and vacant.
Dirt loved his mom. Despite her emotional abuse over the years, which, to be fair, she didn't do any of on *purpose*, the first feeling Dirt got when seeing his mom again was comfort. He hopped out of the car and gave her a hug. She felt shorter than he remembered somehow, even though that couldn't be possible.
"Thanks for coming," she said as she hugged him tight. She sounded tired.
"Of course," Dirt said. "Lemme grab my stuff." He went back to the trunk of the car and hauled his suitcase out of it, and the three of them went inside the house as Clay pressed the button to close the garage.
"So you're still wearing that jacket?" Dirt's mom asked. She was sat in their old rocking recliner, her legs criss-crossed, as she slowly rocked back and forth. Her elbow was planted in the dip of her leg below her kneecap and her knuckles held up her head, her index finger extended, distorting the side of her face. She didn't look much like Dirt or Clay, except for the bags under her eyes. They both took more after their dad. "It's got so many holes in it," she continued.
"Yeah, but it's my favorite," Dirt said with a shrug.
"How do you wash it without making it worse?" she asked.
Again, Dirt shrugged. "It's pretty tough! It's seen a lot of shit!" His mom chuckled through her nose.
"Okay..." she said dismissively. "You brought something nice for the funeral, right?"
Dirt scoffed. "No, I'm wearin' this," he said sarcastically. His mom just stared at him, concerned. "Yes! Of course! I brought my One Suit that I own! I was just kidding!"
"And it fits?" she asked, "Did you try it on?"
"I didn't try it on, but I know it still fits," Dirt said confidently. Fuck what if it doesn't fit.
"Okay...." his mom said with a sigh, clearly not confident that he was right. FUCK WHAT IF IT DOESN'T FIT I SHOULD HAVE TRIED IT ON I SHOULDN'T HAVE WAITED TIL THE LAST MINUTE TO PACK.
Dirt sat on the couch perpendicular to the chair his mom sat, and Clay sat on the other end of the same couch, staring at his phone, occasionally typing something into it real quick. The tension in the room was almost suffocating. It felt thick, and humid, like Dirt might choke if he wasn't careful when breathing in. His mom looked so... empty. Her eyes were tired, and she kept staring off into the distance.
"Are you okay, mom?" Dirt asked, trying to be gentle.
"My dad died," she replied bluntly.
Dirt sighed, feeling like an idiot for that question. "Sorry. I know, I mean like... I don't know. My emotions about him are complicated, and I imagine that's even more true for you...."
His mother nodded silently, not looking at either of her kids. She was staring at the second couch in the room that remained empty. "Yeah..... I dunno," she said with a dejected sigh, "I'm...." she shook her head and scoffed, "I'm not looking forward to the funeral."
"I'm sorry...." Dirt said, not knowing how else to respond to that. His mom gestured vaguely in dismissal.
"Well, it's like, what're you gonna do?" She sighed again. Dirt wasn't looking forward to it, either.