Black Cats Bring Good Luck

funeral plans

"You're not coming with me," Dirt said sternly for the fifth or sixth time as he fumbled through his closet, looking for his one suit. So far, he'd found his tie and his long sleeve button-up, but there was no sign of the stupid jacket or pants.

"Dude, please!" Salem whined, almost frantically. He was slumped on the bed, quite depressed.

Dirt stopped what he was doing to sigh, and dragged his hands down his face. "Dude. I don't want you to have to meet my idiotic family," he repeated. It was redundant, since he'd already said exactly that, ver batim, to Salem at least three of four times in the past 20 minutes.

Salem huffed angrily, unsuccessfully trying to hide the fact that he was on the verge of tears. "What am I supposed to do while you're gone??" he asked incredulously.

"Do what you do when I'm at work! I know you know how to be on your own," Dirt insisted.

Salem growled, feeling exhausted and frustrated by this conversation. It wasn't a matter of not knowing what to do all by himself, it was a matter of desperately not wanting to be without Dirt, and Dirt knew this very well. He was dreading being without Salem just as much. But it wasn't going to be for very long. It was going to be okay. That's what he kept telling himself so that he could stay focused on his packing and not start spiraling again.

There was a palpable few seconds of silence that hung in the air until Salem spoke again. "My birthday is coming up, you know," he said, seemingly apropos of nothing.

"What?? It is??"

"Yeah! And you're probably gonna miss it!!!" Salem shouted.

"Well when is it?? Why didn't we celebrate it last year?"

"It's April 13th!! Aaaaand.... becaaaauuuse..... um of reasons."

Dirt just stared at him, waiting for him to explain.

"UGH okay because I don't usually care about my birthday and I kinda forgot what it even WAS til recently, lawl..."

Salem admitted. "But this time I DO care, and I'll be really really sad if you're not with me on it!" he whined.

"Dude. I am going to be back by then. How long did you think I was leaving for?? It's fucking February."

"Oh." Salem paused for a moment, as he tried to think of another reason to get Dirt to let him come on his trip with him.

"I'm only gonna be gone for like, four days."

"But.. Wait, what day is it??"

"Uhh." Dirt checked his phone. "It's February 12th. The funeral's on the 15th, and I'll be home on the 16th."

"WE'RE GOING TO MISS VALENTINES DAY TOGETHER!!!!!!!!" Salem screamed, making Dirt wince. "Our FIRST valentines day together and YOU'LL BE ACROSS THE COUNTRY!!!"

"Across the state," Dirt corrected, "I'll still be in California." Salem whimpered.

"Like it matters?? You won't be HERE!" Salem slammed his hands on the bed where he sat.

"I'm sorry, dude, I know!" Dirt violently threw the shirt he'd been holding back into his closet, and looked back at Salem. "I know. It fucking sucks! Sometimes unexpected things happen, and we just have to fucking deal with it, even though it fucking sucks, okay?" he shouted.

Salem let out a long, miserable, broken-up sigh that led into a sob. Dirt sighed through his nose, looking into his closet, which felt like an endless black hole that clothes kept just appearing out of, and not the ones he was looking for. "I'm sorry I yelled," Dirt said. "This is just as hard on me, okay?"

It was quiet. Motherfucker has it easy. I have to confront my MOM and see her whole extended family and pretend to remember them. He's just gonna sit here for four days, and probably even hook up with Divan or some shit. Dirt continued pilfering his closet as Salem sat silently on the bed. After what felt like eternity, but was actually only about 7 minutes, Dirt finally found his stupid dumb suit jacket and stupid dumb suit pants.

Salem didn't say anything else. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. It wasn't until Dirt had finished packing that he finally spoke. "I love you. So much," Salem said. Dirt sighed miserably.

"I love you too so much. Do you want to come on the drive to the airport?" He asked tentatively. He thought Salem might pull some fuckshit shenanigans if he went along, but they asked it anyway.

"Yeah obviously!!!!" Salem answered enthusiastically, with a little sting of anger.


The drive to the airport was sickeningly quiet, with only soft tunes that Sarah had picked out filling the air. Nobody spoke until they got to the dropoff. Dirt sighed, as both he and Salem unbuckled their seatbelts. "Good luck!" said Sarah as she popped the trunk so Dirt could retrieve his suitcase.

Salem ran around the car so he could fully hug Dirt one last time before they left. His face was wet with tears. "I love you," he mumbled into Dirt's chest. Dirt kissed the top of his head and squeezed him as hard as he could.

"I love you, bubba," he mumbled into hair, "It won't be long, buddy. I'll be back before you know it." Salem didn't say anything, and he didn't let go of Dirt either. "C'mon, buddy..." Dirt had to pry Salem's arms off of him. He did the saddest meow anyone in the world has ever done or heard as his contact with his Love was severed. Dirt sighed, and gave Salem one last peck on the lips, before hauling his suitcase out of the trunk, slamming it shut, and heading into the airport.

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