Dirt was at work when his phone kept blowing the fuck up in his pocket. The store was empty, so he pulled it out to take a quick glance. It was Salem, messaging him through tumblr again.
4:45AM
catboizx3: DIRT
catboizx3: DIRT PLS ANSWER OMG
catboizx3: OMG
catboizx3: THERE IS GHOSTS IN HERE
catboizx3: IN DA HOUSE
catboizx3: FOR REAL I AM SO SCARED
catboizx3: pls
catboizx3: dirt
catboizx3: answer
catboizx3: help
catboizx3: pls
catboizx3: PLEASE
catboizx3: DIRT!!!!!
catboizx3: omg im gonna die
catboizx3: DIRT I JUST HEARD ANOTHER SOUND
catboizx3: IM HIDING UNDER UR BED I KEEP HEARING STUFF
catboizx3: PLS COME HOME IM SO SCARED
catboizx3: E
catboizx3: E
catboizx3: E
catboizx3: DIRT
Jesus fucking christ.
me: salem calm down ghosts arent even real
catboizx3: WAT DO U MEAN THEN HOW COME I SEE AND HEAR THEM
me: have you been watching those stupid scary videos again?
catboizx3: well it is just regular videos explaining things about the world that are kind of scary so yes i guess
catboizx3: AND IT IS REAL AND HAPPENING TO ME
catboizx3: LOOK AT THIS
catboizx3: [a mostly black picture that salem took. there is literally nothing in the picture except a blur of movement
in the corner]
me: what is that?
catboizx3: ITS THE FRICKEN GHOST IN HERE WITH ME
catboizx3: oh im so scared i cant even move
me: dude there's literally nothing there. your mind is playing tricks on you because you got yourself all freaked out.
catboizx3: pls pls come home i hate this its so scary im gonna get eaten by the ghosts and demons :(
me: i have work until 6. why dont you go to sarahs room?
catboizx3: I CANT LEAVE THE UNDER BED IT WILL GET ME!!!
me: nothings gonna get you salem ghosts are not real
me: i bet youll feel better if you can just go and be with sarah in her room yeah?
catboizx3: yeah except if i set paw out side of this bed frame i will GET KILLED INSTANTLY
me: a customer just came in i have to go. youre gonna be fine dude nothings gonna get you. go see sarah if itll make u
feel better
catboizx3: NO NO DONT LEAVE
catboizx3: PLS COME HOME
catboizx3: DIRT
catboizx3: DIRT
Salem continued to blow up Dirt's phone with similar such messages, but Dirt had other things to attend to. Like the very fashionable man that had just walked into the 7-11. He wore a cowboy hat with a golden embroidered rim atop his long, silky, neon blue hair that was held back with a black ribbon, perfectly tailored trousers, a button-up shirt, and a double-breasted salmon colored jacket, also perfectly tailored, and a jade green cravat. Dirt was grateful that he was also wearing a simple white mask. He walked with his hands behind his back, and his fancy loafers clicked as he walked.
The hell is this fancy bitch doing in the 7-11 at 4am?? The man ambled around the store for a good while, seeming to look at every single item they had on sale. As he approached the counter, Dirt noticed the golden jewelry that adorned that man's neck and hands. A necklace, a bracelet, a watch, and several rings. He very much had Howl from Howl's Moving Castle vibes.
"Monsieur..." the man said, setting his items on the counter, "Forgive my boldness, but... Your scent is just... divine..." He had a thick french accent.
Dirt blushed as he started scanning the guy's items. A multipack of canned cat food, a box of magnum condoms, and a bottle of Barefoot Pink Moscato wine. "Um.. Excuse me?" Dirt wondered how this dude could possibly smell him through both his mask and the plexiglass that separated. He could never smell anyone that approached him.
"Pardon, monsieur, I forget myself... Might I ask, have you ever tasted this particular selection of wine?" the man asked, gesturing to the bottle he'd picked out.
Dirt HAD had that wine, in fact, and it fucking sucked. "Uhhh, yeah I have, actually," he answered.
"Well how is it?"
"It's uh... Well, I'm not really a wine guy, to be honest," Dirt chuckled nervously, "So, you know, you shouldn't trust my opinion.. Uh, can I see your ID, please?"
"But of course," said the man, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a nice leather wallet. He showed his ID to Dirt. It was a California ID, with the name "Divan Pomme de Terre," Hair: Blue, Eyes: Orange, DOB: Sept. 13 1996. Dirt, having owned a fake ID in his youth, and having been around many people who also owned fakes, immediately recognized it as a fake. But honestly? Whatever. He didn't feel like calling him out on it. He actually looked a lot older than 25, anyways, but maybe he just wasn't a citizen or some shit? Dirt did not give a shit what the deal was.
He said, "Thank you," and handed Divan his ID back.
"Monsieur... Dirt, is it?" Divan asked, squinting at Dirt's nametag.
"Yup."
"Do you, perchance, own a female cat?"
"Um. No... I have a boy cat, though," Dirt answered, a bit confused.
Divan smiled, "Ah," he said, "As you see, I bought cat food which of course means I, too, own a cat which is why I am asking you this." Dirt nodded awkwardly as he scanned the last item.
"That's thirty dollars and forty-five cents," Dirt said. Divan handed him a black mastercard. "Um, just insert the chip into the thing right there," Dirt said, pointing to the keypad.
"Oh." Divan swiped his card.
"It declined. Try the chip?" Dirt suggested, because you're not supposed to fucking swipe it fucking idiot.
"Oh! Yes, yes," Divan exclaimed quietly, finally inserting the chip into the machine. Fucking french-ass bitch... The card declined again due to insufficient funds.
"It says insufficient funds," Dirt told him.
"Oh, dear! Must've exceeded my daily limit, hmhmhm," Divan chucked, putting the card back in his wallet and pulling out a 100 dollar bill.
"Oh, uh, sorry, we don't accept bills over 50 dollars," Dirt said, pointing to the sign on the plexiglass that said that.
"Ah! Désolé... Let's see, here..." Divan put back the cash and continued thumbing through his wallet. He pulled out a debit card that was a translucent blue with clouds on it like a sky :) He inserted THAT chip into the machine, and it was accepted. Thank god.
"Here you go," Dirt said, handing Divan his items and his receipt, "Have a nice day, sir."
"Hmhm... Oui... I'll be seeing you again soon, monsieur Dirt," Divan said with a wink, and then left the store.
What.... the fuck... Was that guy.. flirting with Dirt??? And why the hell did he specifically ask if he had a female cat?? He said I smelled nice.. Oh my god he smells Salem. That's another fucking catboy. That explains the cowboy hat. And probably the fake ID.