"Hey.. Salem.. wake up," Dirt whispered, nudging Salem's little sleeping cat body. "I have a surprise for you!" he said giddily. Salem slowly got up, and arched his back in a big stretch. He yawned, and then jumped up onto the top of the couch and stood on his hind legs to try and climb onto Dirt. "You lazy little bitch.. Alright," Dirt teased, lifting Salem over his shoulder.
He carried him out the front door, to the side of the house where he kept his bike. "Check it out!" he said, gently placing Salem into the brand new basket he'd affixed to the front of his bike. It was lined with a nice soft blanket. Salem seemed very pleased as he kneaded the fabric and purred loudly. "Hehe.. Now I can take you places!" Salem meowed happily, and Dirt scratched behind his ears.
Salem hopped out of the basket, transforming as he did. "Does this mean we're going shopping now?" he asked excitedly, his hands gripping Dirt's shirt.
"Yeah, sure, I got some time before work!" Dirt said with a shrug. "I'll grab my beanie, okay? Wait here." Salem completely ignored him and followed back into the house. "And don't forget to tuck in your tail," Dirt reminded.
After pulling the beanie onto his head, Salem shoved his tail into the pair of Dirt's sweatpants he was wearing. "Ew.. I don't like that... I feel weird..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well I use my tail for balance.. This feels weird..."
"Oh shit... Well, I'm sure you'll get used to it. Now hop in!"
Salem sighed. "I better..." He transformed and hopped in the bike basket.
Once his bike was securely locked up, Dirt took Salem into the JCPenney in the mall. "This is usually where I get all my clothes," he said, "Or I thrift them. But I don't have very much money and it's wrong to shoplift from thrift stores, okay Salem?" he said as if he was teaching a child the moral qualms of shoplifting. Salem already knew that, though.
"Wow.... This place is boooooring...." Salem said in sarcastic awe. "Of COURSE you shop here." Salem scampered around, making Dirt do a little half-jog at times to keep up with him. He stopped to look at the jewelry section when the Shinies got his attention, but he quickly became bored and scampered off again. He ran out of the store and into the walkway of the mall, where he instantly fell on his face after tripping on the thingie where the gate closes when the store is closed, you know?
"I thought cats were supposed to land on their feet," Dirt teased as he helped Salem back up.
"Yeah, because cat spines are flexible and self-correcting.. I've got a human spine right now? AND no tail to help!" Salem growled. "Carry me," he demanded.
"What?? No, dude, you're too heavy. You can walk just fine."
Salem huffed in frustration and clung onto Dirt's arm. Salem led the way, pushing and pulling Dirt around as they walked through the mall. Dirt kept having to grab Salem to get him out of other people's way when he was about to just full on crash into someone, several different times. "You need to watch where you're going, dude..."
"OH LOOK!!" Salem shouted, pointing to a zumiez. He let go of Dirt's arm and ran inside. Dirt did his gay little half-jog again. "Oh! Oh!! Look!!! Look at this!!!!! That looks just like me!!!" Salem said, excitedly pointing to a shirt with a black-haired anime boy on it. Dirt chuckled.
"Yeah, man, it sure does..." Salem yanked the shirt off the hanger and tucked it under his arm.
"Woah, woah, you can't just snatch it right off the hanger!" Dirt scolded, removing the empty hanger from the rack. He took the shirt back from Salem and replaced it on the hanger, carrying it with him. "Find some more stuff you like and you can try it on in the changing room," he explained.
"...Where do the clothes you're wearing go when you transform?" Dirt asked in a hushed tone as he sat on the little bench in the dressing room. Salem was wearing a pair of pink and blue tie dyed pants he found, and a shirt with Naruto on it.
"Hmm... I never really thought about that..." He quickly transformed, back and forth a couple times, the clothes he was wearing and the hanger he was holding simply disappearing and reappearing as he did.
"Huh! Well!" They looked at each other with smirks on their faces. "You just get the same idea as me?" Salem nodded. He gathered everything he'd tried on in his arms and transformed into a cat. "Here, hide in my jacket," Dirt whispered, picking him up. He zipped his jacket up all the way with Salem inside, making it look like he was just fatter than he was. And that his stomach wriggled. Totally not sus.
Dirt walked out of the zumiez, completely unnoticed. Though Salem had definitely plumped up since he moved in, he still only weighed about 12 pounds in cat form, so he wasn't hard at all to carry around. "We should get you some shoes," Dirt whispered into his jacket. "I'm gonna take you to the bathroom so we can talk in private.."
Like he said, Dirt went into the bathroom, going into the handicap stall in the back where he let Salem down. He transformed and dropped all the stuff he was carrying on the ground. "What do we do with all this?" he asked.
"Hmm... I should've brought a bag or something..." Dirt said, tapping his chin. "Okay... stay here, and don't make any sound, okay? I'm gonna go see if someone will give me a big bag. Salem nodded and sat on top of his little pile of clothes.
As Dirt walked to the nearest store, he tried thinking up a reason he would need such a big bag.. "Excuse me," he said to the person at the register in the Bath & Body Works. "Could I get the biggest bag you have? The bag I was using just ripped..." The person nodded and handed him the bag. He probably didn't need to lie to get it.
With the bag in hand, he ran back to the bathroom, and Salem helped him shove everything into it. "Alright. Let's go to PayLess," said Dirt, extending his arm for Salem to hold onto. Salem happily latched onto him.
The two went to several other clothing stores in the mall, doing their little routine of going into the changing room, hiding cat Salem in Dirt's jacket, and storing everything in bags afterwards. Pretty soon they had several large bags from different stores that they were both carrying.
"Jeez... I'm feelin' pretty wiped," Dirt said, gravitating towards a bench in the middle of the mall.
"What!!! Come on, we're not done yet!" Salem whined, pulling on Dirt's arm.
"Uuuggghhh," Dirt groaned as Salem dragged him into another store. "Oh jeezus," Dirt whined as he realized they'd just stepped into Macy's. "Okay, you shop around, I'm gonna go sit on the bench outside the changing room." Dirt left Salem to his own devices, and took a load off on the bench, checking his phone while he was at it.
3:45PM
brian♥: hey ru busy
brian:♥: wanna hang before work?
4:50PM
me: aaahh sorry ive been at the mall all day lol
me: but yeah!! can u meet me at my place? ill tell u when i get home
brian♥: ya :) see u ♥
me: ♥ !!!!
Dirt sighed blissfully, staring at the dumb little heart emoticon in Brian's text. He slumped back against the wall and rested his eyes for a minute, while waiting for Salem.
When Salem finally made his way to the dressing room, his arms were full of clothing items. "Sheesh!" Dirt exclaimed. Salem just smiled and went into one of the stalls. There was a bunch of rustling behind the door, and then he emerged in a long, black skirt that went all the way to the floor.
"So I'm thinking this is better for my tail in public.." he said, spinning his hips around to make the skirt twirl. "Does it look stupid?" he asked genuinely.
"What?? No, of course not. That's a good idea. You definitely look more comfortable." Salem smiled and went back inside his stall.
Lots more fabric rustling, sighs and scoffs and clicking of hangers later, Salem put his face up to the little crack in between the doors. "Dirt?"
"Yeah."
"Can you come in here? I think I put this on wrong... It didn't look like this on the plastic lady...." Hehe.. plastic lady. Silly.
"Sure," Dirt said, standing up. Salem unlocked his door and let Dirt inside. He was tangled up in some strappy lingerie.
"Wh..what do you want that for??" Dirt asked, a blush forming on his face.
"It's sexy?" Salem answered as if it were a stupid question. Dirt sighed and rolled his eyes, untangling Salem from the trap he'd created for himself.
"Okay, first of all, this is a garter belt, it doesn't go on your arms."
"Oh."
"And this bra does not fit you."
"Yeah it does, I'm a 30C! What do you know about bras, anyway?"
"Um.. Well... I've read a bunch of tumblr posts about bra measuring and how they're supposed to fit and stuff..."
"...Why?"
"I don't know!! It just appeared on my dash and I read it, okay?! Anyways, you've gained a bunch of weight recently, so your size must be different now." Dirt helped Salem step into the garter belt and attached the garters to the stockings. "There," he said, satisfied, before spinning Salem around so he could see himself in the mirror.
"OooOOOOooh!!!! Look! At! Me!" Salem said excitedly as he posed in the mirror. "What do you think?"
"Um. Yeah, it's cute," Dirt said awkwardly.
"Do you think I look hot?"
"Uhhhhhhh......" What the fuck was he supposed to say? Dirt felt like it was.. weird to see Salem as hot, or sexy, or something! He's his cat! But.... he'd never seen him with.. so little covering him before. Salem would usually wear whatever he could find in Dirt's room, which was always super baggy on him and hid the shape of his body to the point where Dirt thought of him as some kind of amorphous Shape.
Seeing his unobscured body, which looked soft, and voluptuous, and.. he definitely wasn't a C cup anymore, let's just say. His ever-so-slightly tanned skin, littered with the occasional scar that appeared to have come from other cats, was perfectly framed by the black lace and heart shapes of the lingerie. Not to mention his natural body hair, completely untouched by razors or waxing or any other stupid hair removal process the western wold invented, was very charming to Dirt. All this to say, yeah, Dirt thought Salem was kinda hot. But he certainly wasn't ready to accept that feeling.
"Yes, sure, you look hot," he answered in annoyed tone as if he didn't really mean it and was just saying what Salem wanted to hear, not like he meant it or anything...
"WEALLY?" Salem chirped, like Bugs Bunny in the 1956 episode Barbery Coast Bunny. Dirt snorted.
"Yeah," he said tersely. "So... I'll just carry you out of the store as a cat and we'll go right home, yeah? No more bags? No more stores? We can be done?"
"Okay!" Salem agreed, as he unhooked his bra. Dirt very quickly absconded from the changing stall.
When they got home, Dirt helped Salem put away all of his new clothes in his closet. It wasn't like he had a very expansive wardrobe himself, so it wasn't too hard to fit everything. Dirt texted Brian to let him know he'd gotten home and was ready for him whenever :)
Brian showed up in his work shirt. "Come on in, Bri-guy," Dirt welcomed him. Salem, in cat form of course, quickly trotted up to Brian, sniffed him, and then rubbed against his legs. Hehe probably recognizes the smell from the jacket.
"Hey buddy!!" Brian cooed at Salem as he knelt down and offered him his hand to sniff. Salem rubbed his cheek against Brian's hand. "Aww.. how sweet," Brian smiled, giving Salem a nice little pet on the head.
The three went into Dirt's room, Dirt closing the door behind him. Salem jumped up on his bed and spun around, pawing the comforter, then meowed at Dirt loudly. Brian and Dirt both chuckled at Salem's vocalizations as Dirt gave him head pets and scritches. "So..." Brian said, sitting down on Dirt's bed. "What'ch'you wanna do?" Dirt sat down next to him, and Salem sat politely at the end of the bed. Dirt answered Brian's question by grabbing his face and kissing him roughly, which surprised him! Brian embraced Dirt, rubbing his hands along his back as they kissed. He started lowering Dirt, pushing him down onto his back. In his head, Dirt was screaming.
He separated from their kiss. "Do you wanna split a joint?" he asked casually, pretending he was totally chill and calm when he was actually super fucking anxious.
Brian smiled. "Sure.." He pulled Dirt back in for another kiss before letting him out of his grasp. Dirt went over to his desk and opened the drawer where he kept all his weed stuff. Most of it was inside a metal Teen Titans lunchbox that he got when he was in middle school and used to actually bring his school lunch in. In high school, he kept his pokemon cards in it. And now... he keeps weed in it.
"I'll just have to roll one... oh." There were already two joints pre-rolled in the lunchbox. "Huh." Dirt shrugged and took one of the joints, grabbing a lighter from the drawer. He opened up the window on his way back to his bed, handing Brian the lighter and joint, before going back to his lunchbox and grabbing his ashtray, bringing it over to the bed, too. He got up on his bed and they both sat with the backs against the wall, their legs out straight in front of them. Dirt set the ashtray down in the little canyon formed where Dirt and Brian's legs were smooshed together.
The two leaned against each other, passing the lit joint back and forth. Salem jumped up on the couple's lap, sniffing at the smoke that rose from the burning joint. "Ha!! Salem!!! You can't have weed!" Brian joked, scratching Salem under the chin. Salem chirped and aggressively rubbed against Brian.
"Haha... yeah... He always wants my weed," Dirt told Brian.
Brian laughed, "He wanna be stoner cat..." Dirt gayly giggled at that.
When the joint was dead, Dirt and Brian started making out again, sloppily so, in their stupor. Dirt's heart raced as Brian pushed him down onto his back again. When Brian started fumbling for Dirt's waistband, he panicked, remembering Salem was watching them.
"Wait," he said quietly, "Salem's watching."
Brian chuckled, "I don't think he cares, bro... He's an animal.."
"Yeah.. Well.. I dunno, it just feels weird..." Dirt said nervously. Brian sat up, reaching for Dirt's hands, taking them in his own.
"It's okay if you're not ready yet.. I know it's been a while for you. We don't gotta rush into anything," Brian said in a comforting voice.
"Yeeaaahh.... Actually....." Dirt sat up. "I have a confession to make? I'm actually.. A virgin....."
"Oh! Wow, really?" Brian sounded shocked. Dirt chuckled.
"Yeah?? Pffhah I mean.. look at me, man.."
"What do you mean???"
"I'm not exactly... very desirable....."
Brian rolled his eyes. "Stop it with that talk, man, you're hot as hell! And you're like, super charismatic and charming and like.. flirty?"
"I do kinda flirt with everyone.." Dirt admitted, and they both chuckled, Dirt awkwardly so. "A-anyways... Uhh... I dunno. it's not like I don't trust you, I trust you with my life! But... for some reason it still.. makes me nervous?"
"You don't gotta explain yourself, bro. Whenever you're ready." He squeezed Dirt's hands. Dirt smiled and squeezed his back.
"I like kissing, tho.." Dirt clarified.
"Me too," Brian chuckled, kissing Dirt again.
When they separated, Dirt noticed that Salem was literally just. Staring at them. "He's staring at us..."
"Hah... He probably thinks we're tryna eat each other or some shit..." Dirt laughed pretty hard at that. Salem kissed him and Sarah on the cheeks and hands and forehead and such constantly. Of course he knew what kissing was.
Soon enough, it was almost time for their shift, and Dirt and Brian had to get going. Dirt gave him a ride on his bike pegs, and it was like 10 times more intimate than before. Brian squeezed Dirt and gave him kisses on his head, back of his neck, and shoulders sporadically as they road down the street. Dirt almost felt like crying from how overwhelmed he was with love and warmth.
Work was draining, as usual, but shifts with Brian had always been a little easier for Dirt, and now that they were a couple, that was even more true. Sometimes, to pass time, Dirt would just unabashedly stare gayly as fuck at Brian. He always did that, but now he could do it overtly, which Brian found sweet and mushy, as opposed to before when Brian never noticed, because Dirt made sure he'd never notice. He'd felt like such a creep sometimes, ogling over his best friend, but that weird guilt was totally gone now, and he was so relieved for that.
After work, Dirt invited Brian back over to his place for coffee and weed, which is the best date thank you, and of course he accepted. So again, Brian hopped onto Dirt's bike pegs and held on tight as they made their way back, the sun rising behind them as the cool morning air nipped their noses and cheeks.
They got to Dirt's house, and Dirt put his bike on the side behind the fence where they also kept their trashcans, before letting the both of them inside.
And the first sight they saw, was Salem, laying on the couch, smoking a joint, with Dirt's little pokemon ashtray resting on his stomach. Salem's eyes widened as the two walked in, and quickly transformed. The joint disappeared, but the ashtray did not, and it spilled all over the couch as cat Salem bounded away. Dirt and Brian were frozen in the doorway.
"UM!!!!" Brian shouted, his voice cracking, "DID YOU KNOW HE COULD DO THAT???"
Dirt calmly closed the front door behind him. "Well, Salem, he saw you. You wanna introduce yourself?" he asked, a little embarrassed, honestly. Salem, boy form, peeked his head over the arm of the couch where he'd been hiding behind, his ears were flattened back against his head.
"Shit... Sorry bout the ashes, dude..." Salem lamented, looking at the nasty pile of spilled ashes on the couch.
"Eugh.. God... Dude, I told you you're not supposed to smoke my weed anymore!" Dirt scolded.
"HELLO????" Brian yelled.
"Oh lol sorry," Salem said, standing and prancing over to Brian. "You already know my name but ummmm.. hi. I'm kind of catboy... But you weren't supposed to know that. But like, it's whatever. Umm... I rolled a bunch of joints for me and Dirt but you can have one if you want I guess." He seemed nearly unaffected.
"You..." Brian laughed, "You know how to roll joints?"
"God, yeah, and he's like magically really good at it, it's fucked up..." Dirt said.
"Yeah, I rolled those joints from earlier, too, you're WELCOME," Salem bragged.
"Hah.. Haha... Is... this a prank? I mean those ears and tail look damn realistic but..."
"Lol no but thats what Dirt thought too when he saw me go boy form first time," Salem said with a little chirp.
"Right... I need'ta sit down......" Brian slowly walked over to the couch, his face unreadable. Salem quickly sat down next to Brian, whose reaction was immediately going, "Jesus christ," under his breath and leaning back, as Salem picked up a joint and offered it to him.
"Quirres?" he chirped. Brian looked back at Dirt, who was just standing there. Dirt simply shrugged. Brian turned back to Salem, and hesitantly, he accepted the joint. Salem grinned, and then passed the lighter to him.
"You know," Brian said, taking a hit, "...If he's so good at rolling joints, don't you think he deserves a lil weed?" Salem gasped delightedly.
"Oh!!! Ohohoo!!! Hear that, bitch? Brian knows what he's talking about!"
"Shitting christ he knows my name," Brian mumbled, exasperated. Dirt chuckled.
"You know what, that's a good point," Dirt admitted.
"HAH! Oh em GEE Dirt, could you BE more of a fucking sucker? All this time, you're a little bitch and won't let me have weed, and then when your gay boyfriend makes one comment, you suddenly change your mind??"
"Well, if you think I should change it back..."
"NO!! Hehehe ummm nevermind ^-^ You are both so smart and sexy!!" Salem purred. Dirt laughed.
"So.. you want some coffee?" Dirt asked casually, as if all of this was completely normal.
"Yuh," Brian responded, having apparently become either acclimated to the situation, or so shocked that he'd stopped giving a shit. Most likely the latter.